Dose Park

what about my fantasies
of moist climates
wine cellars where
mushrooms grow
on corks

what's my problem
wanting to fuck all
the wet landscapes
at certain times of day

the whole park was my eye
misty and low

and I want to run into
some kind of hug
but I won't call

I see me
a winter character
puffy coat
here for the last time




the park
it is my eye and also
Mima, all of it
she's the entire place
and I'm hit anew
for the ___ time

I want to ask her how
much she liked this park
as much as me?

I've always run here
from home run away
or biked in any weather
looking for a hug but also
for me




what's an unbroken lap?
the fog today is big but sheer
like it's only for the park
outlined by the path





here is where the mushrooms --
here is where the trees
animate, in the hot green (past)
all the points on the path
have these strings




the day of a late flight out
is something like someone
correcting my posture
with a string pulling up
but more like an abduction

something that's unbroken?

Small Nature

the softly rippling pond

reflecting winter trees 

in the water

the branches have small berries

how much damage would I do 

sliding down this small fall

the sloped rock is just so

metallic and inviting

I trip on a stone

at the same moment

Tara's S pops in my ear

I come here every day

oh if I could

new year same ish

oh how I love
being at the mercy of me
until I become suicidal
which means turning
the word over and
dragging my feet up the stairs
hair all bad

I took Cinnamon to the vet
at 4:30 pm
does the light stay any longer
since the solstice?
a minute or so I can sense
the tiniest slice of time
the whole thing feels
a bit dusty, Mima gone
Cinnamon age 14
a domestic medium hair
they feel her belly and
she's patient and
I'm proud,

and I'm grown

it was one of those beautiful,
short winter days
that slip away like
a sip of water

wake up in the morning
the sky spotted, shiny
something on the other side
run the tap a sip and
it's evening,
I resign

M.S.Ed.

researching Masters in Ed graduate programs
is making me want to cut my own head off
like just snap my own neck
and watch my head roll away
because I don't think I can do it
but also rises in me
the desire for those letters of the alphabet
tacked on to my name
that dignified U Penn
to elevate my fumbly jumbly
Sarah Lawrence BA
fuck
I really hate school