October 50th

long in longing

since

the cypress trees

at the top of the street

our walk,

the same one

I've been doing

vitamin D

at the bottom of the my bag

all of my M's

it's always October 

when time 

shovels

etc.

cherish the red lights

to work, and 

sometimes

cry quietly

at the mountain

pull up tunes from

point A

to roll thru

again I

pull up 

wet

question soup 2.0

naked in the Sunday sun

the fan licks 

everything I hung on the black wall

dancing with corners coming unstuck

the fluttering

he's painting a flower with his tongue

I'm tripping on colors

rainbows, black and sunshine

subterranean matter making earthly shapes

holographic, sparkling

what even is a relationship?

an envelope you step in and out of

consent to a mutual reality

something to see by, to see through

I sit on the bench over the beach 

with a cigarette as heavy as the ocean

little girls or are they little seals 

bobbing in the surf

this doing nothing

is who we really are

I want to see the flowers the way I saw them

I want to see the people they way I saw them

I want to hear the celestial music

see the higher order again

be better for the people I love

make them better too

october 14

normal person  after

opening a book 

this morning

the better 

to

                tackle       an intra

personal  workload 

volunteer my brain

to compute progress

   

  a slow typist

I sms,

I need love

songs with doorbells

in   headphones

the drums sound

         

        across the street

spread the word

evenly,

my contacts

eating 

alone

we compare

and contrast

but it's just

this   big evening

zoya

an ultrasound on my 
un-pregnant belly
it's the closest thing 

to tlc, despite our
small tussle
tell me, I said,
is it normal? 

she said she couldn’t tell me
she said, enjoy your weekend,
you’re young

how come my reactions 
are scrolls
I frowned 
for like
1 minute
of silence

harvest moon

my heart breaks something like
in half to not be Home 
in October 

I feel like cardboard instead

for the 8th time 
in sensory hell