lost contact with my dreams
tall apartment/ vertical shopping mall Chinese signage
all the images I cut out from National Geographic
raspberry jam on toast again
everything from that store tastes like that store
he doesn't know but refrains I'll figure it out
I was just liking the cutting
lost in the cutting so
I had nothing to say
a translucent snail emerged from the tiny white shell
days after M brought it home from Greece
she feeds it cucumber and eggshells
there are only 5 places to go here
try to notice things
the sunset on the way home
October light, definitely different
definitely shifted
me, the clone of my mother
sharing my tiny bed with her
the two of us reading side by side
the two of us sleeping
strip mall on a mountain
in a bathtub at one point but
I could see beyond the walls
of the space in my mind's eye/
was in two places at once
woke up with the headache I had in the dream
wearing a red gingham jacket
my hair long again
there was rain and other obstacles
like no money? or just darkness?
working in a new restaurant that was hidden
in some sort of subway system but had a giant dome
restaurant inside an unbroken eggshell
trying to figure out what to do about the swings
hanging from the curved ceiling
hitting the tables when they swung
something shady about the owner
I was concerned the room was too big to fill
these days a continuum
like waking life isn't enough
to take away dream solidity
pieces come to me and
I can't even distinguish them as such
I ran out of potions and have to pick up more today
I want to be stronger and more sparkly for everyone
pearls around the window
sunset in the letters
you send just an orange heart
sensed I was thinking about you?
I want to be big and sparkly for you
I want to be the one you call
15 days of war on Palestine
screen time average nearly 4 hours a day somehow
we were in a band and had a metal shelf between us
that held up our cigarettes and also water dripped from the shelf
and when it fell it sounded like violins
the shelf with the smokes and water dropping was our instrument
and I was playing a simple riff on a red electric guitar
wearing a very little dress
we were practicing and it was going well then it was abruptly
the actual performance and we got out of synch
and couldn't get through our set everyone cleared the room
so we took our half smoked cigarettes outside
finally got ahold of you
followed gravity downtown while we talked
on damp streets the rain had stopped but it was misting
wish I had ideas in my head
everything on guitar is sounding the same to me
how to push through and trust again? play?
or did I ever trust? hard to say
remember crying in frustration on the farm
tiny deer standing on my bed
it was smaller than a cat
looked like a doll/ toy I sang to it while petting it
and walked around it in circles filming
something happened to the tiny deer
I saw images of butchered meat but
not fully real mostly imagined
I found just her collar which was patent leather
bright red with metal grommets
I was in a bathrobe
it was all an art piece?
at night in my bed I think about Gazans
trying to sleep waiting for bombs
a music class with keyboard
and songbook and time to practice
looking for the key that will unlock
whatever the next thing to get me going will be
an entry point to the world
some way to stay in it
Chinatown walking around
buying egg custard and metallic purple Beatle boots
with two dogs, a giant wolf and a mini wolf
steps down to the beach at the end of University Ave in Berkeley
the waves crashing so high
covering the entire beach and all the way up to the cliffs
the rest is very slippery
very very slippery
resistance fighters broke out of Gaza
into an "ugly modern world"
with wide avenues and bars with lights on
how many things can I do every day?
war dreams, separated, all alone, distance and death
dilapidated structures
I was raising a child alone
I was applying black and white temporary tattoos to my stomach
a masked face of a friend
layered tattoos on my stomach to express my love
but feeling so alone
barred from tenderness by war
thinking about how walking used
to feel in my hometown
thinking about how reading used to feel
in the dark winter on a humming train
in the segment of tunnel under the bay
between Oakland and SF
Nijinsky's diary
how writing used to feel in my hometown
I work in an office building surrounded
by empty industrial fields of grasses and cattails
and crows and from certain windows you can see the ocean
in my dreams I am bleeding
I am walking to get something to eat in a Japanese structure
summer camp pagoda bridge over a dry riverbed
groups divided up of people with bottles
of champagne with beautiful labels
holographic red and pink photo of cherry/logo/star
there is a porridge with icicle covered candy in it
I am showing you a secret trail I know about
I am making memories in here
