1
a touch of the bird about her
of the jay
blue-green, light, vivacious
first a warning; musical
then the hour; irrevocable
the leaden circles dissolved in the air
can't be dealt with by acts of parliament
for that very reason
they love life
2
because it was silly to have other reasons
for doing things
half the time she did things not simply
not for themselves
but to make people think this or that
perfect idiocy
one roll of tweed
a few pearls
salmon on an ice block
that is all
a lady is known
by her shoes and her gloves
the moment between 6 and 7
when every flower
glows
every flower seems to burn by itself
the world has raised its whip
where will it descend?
a square of dove gray
this gradual drawing together of everything
to one center before his eyes
terrified him
3
sifting the ruins of time
when London is a grass grown path
and all those hurrying along the pavement this Wednesday
are but bones with a few wedding rings mixed up in their dust
a single voice
expanded and made sonorous
by the might of a whole cathedral
thought of the housemaids
the innumerable housemaids
the bedrooms
the innumerable bedrooms
white smoke actually writing something
making letters in the sky
standing and looking up into the sky
bells struck 11 times
tears filled his eyes as he looked at the smoke words
languishing and melting in the sky
bestowing upon him in their inexhaustible charity and laughing goodness
one shape after another
of unimaginable beauty
for nothing
for ever
for looking merely
with beauty
it was toffy
they were advertising toffy
plumes on horses heads
feathers on ladies
would have sent him mad
but he would not go mad
4
part of the pattern
sounds made harmonies with premeditation
the spaces between them were as significant as the sounds
all taken together it meant the birth of a new religion
men must not cut down trees
there is a god
there is no death
look look
notice real things
he must not talk aloud
to himself out of doors
eating drinking and mating
the bad days and good
seeking and questing
and knocking of words together
5
gilded her own future with calm
grinding blowing flowering of the day
narrower and narrower would her bed be
something warm that broke up surfaces
she could not resist sometimes yielding to the charm of a woman
faint scent or a violin next door
so strange is the power of some sounds at certain moments
she did undoubtedly feel what men felt
6
the purity
the integrity
doing her hair in a kind of ecstasy
now the old feelings began to come back to her
as she took out her hairpins
laid them on the dressing table
began to do her hair
one woman who sat in her drawing room
and made a meeting point
far away barking and barking
8
she still had the power
to make the moon rise on the terrace
9
it was smashed to atoms
his fun
for it was half made up as he knew very well
made up as one makes up the better part of life
making oneself up
making her up
odd it was and quite true
all this one could never share
it's smashed to atoms
a great brush swept smooth against his mind
down down he sank into the plumes and feathers of sleep
nothing exists outside us except a state of mind
10
the death of the soul
the words attached themselves
to some scene some room some past he had been dreaming of
it all seemed useless
going on being in love
going on quarreling
going on making it up
11
still the sun was hot
still one got over things
12
good days bad days
for no reason whatever
13
jealousy which survives every other passion of mankind
once in some primeval May she had walked with her lover
the bright petalled flowers were hoar and silver frosted
14
it was a silly silly dream
being unhappy
the happiest man in the world
and the most miserable
he could not feel
it might be possible
that the world itself is without meaning
that boy's business of the intoxication of language
how Shakespeare loathed humanity
the message hidden in the beauty of words
15
plastered over with grimaces
his wife was crying and he felt nothing
once you stumble
human nature is on you
food was pleasant
the sun hot
12 o'clock
the leaden circles dissolved in the air
16
he never spoke of madness
he called it, "not having a sense of proportion"
love
trees
there is no crime
this exacting science
which has to do with what
after all, we know nothing about
worshipping proportion
penalizing despair
prophetic Christs and Christesses
17
shredding and slicing
dividing and subdividing
the clocks nibbled at the June day
the table spreads itself voluntarily
with glass and silver
18
drowsy and heavy
like a field of clover in the sunshine
and they went further and further from her
being attached to her by a thin thread
that would stretch and stretch
get thinner and thinner
as they walked across London
as if one's friends were attached to one's body
by a thin thread
which as she dosed became hazy with the sound of bells
striking the hour or ringing to service
as a single spider's thread is blotted with raindrops
and burdened, sags down
19
first the warning, musical
then the hour, irrevocable
but why did she suddenly feel
for no reason she could discover
desperately unhappy?
what she liked was simply life
an offering for the sake of offering
could not think
write
even play the piano
talked oceans of nonsense
20
instead of lying on a sofa
she should have been in a factory
behind a counter
21
all the commodities of the world
perishable and permanent
a soul cut out of immaterial substance
not a woman, a soul
people were beginning to compare her to poplar trees
early dawn
hyacinths, fawns, running water, and garden lilies
22
the trees dragged their leaves
like nets through the depths of the air
24
life was good
the sun hot
it seemed to her as she drank the sweet stuff
that she was opening long windows
stepping out into some garden
I have that in me
which could now dissolve in tears
why heaven knows
beauty of some sort probably
and the weight of the day
the drip drip of one impression after another
a moment in which things came together
this ambulance and life and death
a theory heaps of theories
she felt herself everywhere
not here here here
but everywhere
to know her or anyone
one must seek out the people that completed them
even the places
our apparitions
the part of us which appears
are so momentary
compared with the other
the unseen part of us
which spreads wide
the unseen might survive
be recovered somehow
attached to this person or that
or even haunting certain places after death
perhaps
perhaps
26
the day changed
shed dust heat color
I resign the evening seemed to say
I fade
I disappear
this interminable life
here he was
starting to go to a party
with the belief upon him that he was about to have an experience
but what?
beauty anyhow
straightness and emptiness
the symmetry of a corridor
everybody was going out
the cold stream of visual impressions failed him now
as if the eye were a cup that overflowed
29
in the middle of my party
here's death
the terror
the overwhelming incapacity
one's parents giving it into one's hands
this life
to be lived to the end
to be walked with serenely
there was in the depths of her heart
an immeasurable fear
a dusky sky
turning away its cheek in beauty
the clock began striking
the young man had killed himself
but she did not pity him
with the clock striking the hour
1 2 3
she did not pity him
with all this going on
fear no more the heat of the sun
she felt somehow very like him
the young man who had killed himself
she felt glad that he had done it
thrown it away
the clock was striking
the leaden circles dissolved in the air
he made her feel the beauty
made her feel the fun
30
indeed the young are beautiful
she was like a lily
a lily by the side of a pool
one could watch
one could understand
and one did not lose the power of feeling
it increased
it went on increasing
what does the brain matter
compared to the heart?
what is this terror?
what is this ecstasy?
