Strenth

The vines of the wax flower plant reach out to touch me

Marking the time that I’m losing track of

Waxwoman we call her 

There’s not enough light in here

The rubber plant has faded to yellow but keeps on 

The fern drops brown leaves like tear drops

I look for pictures of the rubber plant 

To see if it’s grown

Or is it stunted

Hope wore all dusty purple today

Sweatshirt with a rhinestone heart 

She grabbed both of my wrists and made me clap

Pointed at the coffee maker 

Made me clap again

I poured some of my coffee 

From paper cup to another paper cup for her

She took it in her one hand 

with the other folded safely away

I hope she feels my love

drunk etc.

I got some art opportunities
in the middle of the night

someone berated me
for not being able to speak
my own, full name

I blamed their shitty pen

---

if the world was left with
everything beautiful

and only built up with
more beautiful

architecture, getting involved

I'll draw the fragments alone

doomed, not cut out
for more

visitors

woke up singing, oh
the ants come marching in
I find a group of them again
swarming a tampon that is
somehow one with the floor
and therefore impossible
to address, or separate
from inevitability

I was laying on my side
which was all I was allowed to do
I was so pleased
by this limitation
but couldn't figure out
why

my mom dreamed
she was trying to get all these wasps off of me
but couldn't figure out
why
no one else saw them

get hair clips to make life better

I realize I don't have a poem but

I made a "want" list this week

feeling ravenous on all fronts

-the right, silver cube heel

-a sleeping bag

Berkeley

over Croatian wine

we share the fear 

of our aging bodies

my face is like

the uncarved side of Mount Rushmore

a cinnamon roll

I feel blurry

like that dog from the meme

my body is like

an overstuffed sausage on two toothpicks

my boobs are like 

see ya

my boobs are being

digested into my ass

my body is like

a dreidel 

the wine is not syrup

but perfume

Berkeley is quiet 

so quiet

that the sun feels loud

Thumbelina

waiting for a tree to fall on top of my house
waiting for the shit to hit the fan
Thumbelina sleeping in a walnut
the trees covered in snow are so clearly the same
as the branches of arteries and veins
I feel my heart pounding in my throat
Thumbelina emerges fully formed from a red poppy

fallout shelter

I'd be so happy to feel sunshine
and a freedom
all the trees fallen in the snowstorm
Heavy tunnels in a misty world
I can't think clearly
the Oscars are so loud
my years are flattened
spending so much time
with people 3 times my age
I want to say this quickly
whatever it is I'm saying
the stress is a numbness in my jaw
a hypochondriac fit
10 Cloverfield
Or any dumb movie
Can do that to me
The suspense spilling over
And seeping into my world

this color green

  d e t a i l s

  e

  s

  i

  r       f

deep image

           l

           i

          n

          g

             cabinets

purge

visit

earn

top coat

leg veins

hair clips

sunset at CVS

oh the light

hitting aisles

corners

hitting my

eczema 

oh it's

still there

oh it's

draping the car

where is Livia

for this high light 

from within

the car

the sunset

is soon

gone

when what you want 

is between a rock

and in a corner

between a pane of glass

in the future

in chartreuse 

in a crevasse...

the heavy lifting

of optimism

of rocks

the alien garbage

of my body of my

lack of discipline 

time to check

the habits

before I hate

or lose

me 

there

wearing silk

chartreuse pajamas 

tanned and soft

mixing gold and silver

deep in summer

europa perhaps

glints of freedom

and balconies

wake up

fold it in

file it

wake up

bad, bloated

with a sense

of mistake

one good and

one bad phone item

the rest is just junk 

and the balance

keeps me in bed

get out

fold that in

file: stuck, shitty, bad

recycle the details

of desire to make

new, beautiful 

mind outfit