Thursday, December 13, 2018


I want to write down the names 
of all of the mountains around Santa Fe

Sangre de Cristo
La Tetilla
and the hill to find our house by
Cerro de la Cruz
our hill

as a teenager
mom could march out the back door
through cholla and desert sage
straight up to the top of the rocky hill
without a single property or fence in her way

now you have to walk along the frontage road
past scrappy houses
yards with the big gates open
and the dogs in them knowing not to leave
and lots of trailers for sale
to get to our hill

our hill, our dreams
my grandma named the house
Nuestros Sueños

so corny but it’s like Mrs. Ramsay
in To The Lighthouse
musing about seeing oneself in inanimate things
finding solace in that
claiming the beams of light from the lighthouse 
as herself, her beams

I want to be connected to those mountains
I want to share something with them
their immutability
their command of the landscape
they belong there, and I so want to belong

I like that Tetilla means breast
but the shape isn’t a crazy huge breast
just a slight one like mine
it’s affirming that it's...
worthy of the name breast?
and I think, of course this place
would be affirming of that