moving

a waste of plastic
to bag up what
I'm over so
I rake it all
against the fence

this morning with
limon lays
the mountains
rat shit and the
truck

the hot roofer
his neck tattoos

I bet you have
the nicest roof
in south central

I wrote out my dream
in big thick marker:

walking briskly to
a more perfect food
& scared someone
along the way

goals, perfection
amidst transition?

unapologize and
publish!

a little bit of everything everyday

   boy paws&
dog paws
at 3 am but I'ms
leEp
  ing
visit
  from
a college
figure who
I can only
remember
by Instagram
 name now
    he gave me
a Super 8
camera
encouraging
my "work"
 I was
touched

chapter called Church

people say they might Jewish this week

perhaps in solidarity with the stabbed—

negotiating this, the Hanukah 

party, the floorplan of the rabbi’s house

can I start off bouncy though

really easy on the surface

so it’s just like look over here

a fun keychain, a floor routine

ribbons glitter scarves chalk

I am moved by a caption

she's like 

I'm adding to the pile 

but wishing the kids could just 

be free

basically saying a moving

train but even that is

going somewhere

I won’t forget the train

from Paris to Berlin

I won’t forget how it

rehydrated Hebrew School

dropped fear back off

in my cave 

at the house I’m out 

of hammer and nails so

I sit still, I eat kind of

dying 

not to read but to know 

better the bible I get

mass selfies from my top

2 literally from mother 

and Mary

I turn it on and I can’t think 

I turn it off and I’m scared

to be alone without the music

that fills me with inspo but also

stops me like a drawn bath

they sing this song 

fill my cup, lord!

and then

my cup runneth over*

the choir does the wine

pouring motion or

blood pouring

I can imagine you 

shutting my dusty zine

as if a heavy book with

fear on the church chapter

but grow up 

god is back

and pile theory

are some other
title options 

*

make a wish, make a joke

C and the W

the man in office
is a big distraction
I don't waste any breath on but
for 30 seconds I want to acknowledge

my deep disgust when he says “witch hunt” 

to decry any accusation

tell it to all the women 

burnt

that wasn’t a fluke

it never ended

he will always be the hunter

he has never known 

what it is to be hunted  

ancient drunk or

texting
from a padiddle
(I didn't know
this term
it means a
car with one
headlight
burnt out)
in the middle
of 95 south
at night

Parra Sonnet 1

I would prefer to die ahead of you

an interesting mess behind me something

like shouting just hang up, hang up and thrive

paranoid sitting next to your pencils

the trash can courtesy of a phony

pen-name considering where you’ve bounced to 

my poem on the coast on a wall on

1950’s Facebook, considering

the family that I am pre grieving

the mountain I came down with lord knowing

an amount of time handing off justice

or sitting on a fruit scale and thinking

about the pit of your lie and actually

I would prefer that you be first to die

lontanissimo

eating seaweed snacks
with lipstick on at Penn station
green dust in the corners

Nothing Bundt Cakes 2

he got me a job at McDonald's
it was at the end of my grandma’s street 
in Santa Cruz 

it was the middle of the night but I walked over 

and made a Shirley Temple per someone’s order

using the many plastic packets provided 
which dosed out the grenadine and soda 

mixing the drink outside in the parking lot 

a cop sitting in his car behind tinted windows

listening to his dispatch radio 

x

to reclaim the idea that 

nothing is possible

that is poetry 

I baked a cake shaped like 
the queen of England’s crown

a duvet of jade colored marzipan spread

edges piped with edible metallic pearls  

it tasted like 

looking through the window of a moving train 
the sun rising over a frozen field

truly I baked a cake 

entirely out of 

nothing












the almost sleep
feeling of having
really big
far away
body parts 
that you might 
drive to

I’m Talking

the city vs the country 
vs the Amazon
East Coast vs West Coast
vs Milan, Italy
people in the Amazon
who hold your hand
and look into your eyes
to understand who you are
children who can’t learn 
because they only engage with
screens as babies
missing sensory information
and synapses
no real social skills
looking into the phone
the 17 sustainable development goals
we’re signed into agreement in 2015
but none are in effect
if they just did number 5
gender equality
how much would change 
it’s all about economics 
there is enough
it needs to be redistributed
...in some ways...
but consumers are demanding
the electric car
capitalism is taking care of it 
I don’t want to talk about it
it’s unpleasant
not today
I just see his orange face in my mind
... diapers
dementia
the further I advanced in archeology
the fewer women there were around me
particularly on expeditions
I looked up and I was alone
this can’t be right 
there are so many women
waiting

monday

babysitting at the weed 

I mean I went to the parking

lot is full at the store with

the babies in the shopping

cart in the rain and I went

to the weed store after

sativa is the mind right?

hemp papers cuz she

a hippie alone in my car

in the rain in LA agua

puddle agua dew 

agua sandbox agua

pink hangover tide 

me over with 7% thc 

until the movies until

god removes my

blocks in the closet

molto smart, such physician

we love to play

with our food and our words

the silver placemats

silver = argento

feeling medieval

with mi vino goblet 

tutti argento, snail tools

me and Coqui, devils 

Papa, quiet

observing

I wonder if he is writing too

this week is a statue pt 1

mandrake

of course bleeding
like paw prints
in the toilet
dark iodine

there are so many types of shop
thick shining windows
hanging perfume
cigarettes

loosen up
in every language
become my mother
loud, stubborn

go work a real job 
then get back to me
good, glad he doesn’t
think what I do is real

stirring clams into pasta
their shells sound like rain
I giggle uncontrollably
devil horns

Twist 3

dtf who I wish I was

when you see me

it’s always the pants

an opaque leg

a departure from

the truth of my

body that gets me

meanwhile I was 

very prepared

for the climate protest

in which you had leadership

I thought I was waiting out

practice, the scaling

of the wall alongside

the mock freeway

suddenly I was alone

twist 1 is that I wasn’t

thinking outside the box

concerning my definition

of practice

twist 2 is no one does

think around

all the furniture

and traditions

the invisible fence

on the lawn of brain

all the groups like

rice patties 

all the crusty strangers

of adjacent scenes 

where? without me

I'm stuck but here

to wring poems 

for clean cloth

spread out

information 

to blow seeds

group's origin 

in crop

Liminal Ladies

doused in the white fluorescence of the airport

I can see just how dirty all of my clothing is

how wintered and spotted my face

ragged and static my hair 

I daydream a very wealthy lady

who lives in the air always

only touching down for fuel and food

swaddled in white noise, cloud views 

painting her nails glossy red

watching The Big Sleep on tv

biggest bubbles in her champagne 

endless pasta alfredo

so I skip the automatic dryer

using my damp hands to pull

lint and dog hair 

from my sweater 

to be liminal forever, the ultimate luxury

I love this lonely lady

I see her in a white unitard, leg warmers

and camel colored cashmere

I stretch at the gate

clasp my hands behind my back

drop my head and roll it from shoulder to shoulder

lift each foot to stretch each hamstring

try to embody my lonely lady

I hope everyone thinks I’m Italian

or a ballerina

or an Italian ballerina

I align all eight of the silver hoops in my ears

adjust the bun at the nape of my neck

make sure my silver bracelets 

are glinting and exposed

touch everything in my “personal item”

apply the balm and the salve

take out the b&w checkered scarf

lovingly fold, reinsert

I buy a toothbrush and toothpaste

recycle the cardboard, trash the plastic 

make a plan to stay in the tiny bathroom 

and pamper myself, for a very long time

rose city

what you forgot

in my dark room

that’s what 

she said

also

awesome <3

I’m driving again

shrinking & 

the mountains

there   they   are

circling the rose parade

towards oh happy days

baby blue nails 

and wooden

I should

rock more

ring a ling a ling ding dong ding

we love our bread
we love our butter
but most of all
we love each other

spillnothing

I can see my future
it's posted on the bulletin board
in the kitchen at the restaurant

I can see my future
it's in a spreadsheet
I received via email

I can see my future
it's the time it takes
on public transit
counting backwards
from an hour before my flight

at the same time a feeling
of being on a conveyor belt
into the past

transferring from work to bus
to train to plane
to a place where
nothing is possible

note to self
never turn 26 again
I tilt my head back
to keep the tears in my eyes

sludge

I 

hate 

Christmas

woke up: where am I (home 2)

Cucumber feels huge
compared to Skittles
ami takes her outside
to chew on bamboo
in snowboard
clothes

mismatch furniture
or get new shit?
can never gage
improvement's worth
my farmhouse
mess my piano
stand, hello
dust

book
stacks
teetering
atop
little
($5)
bookshelf
smaller
and
smaller
to
one
piece a
paper

rubbery today
and coughing
color blocking
advising
recommending
sleeping
in my own
bed

soda and bitters

frosted glass jar

swirl to mix

the sound 

of the cubes 

is just like

horse hooves 

on cobblestones

slow motion

potion
orange drops 

dissipate ombre
I cut a persimmon
into 8 perfect pieces
put it on a pink glass
tea saucer
and eat it in bed
reading Caliban
and the Witch
by headlamp

Illness As Metaphor

!?

i could wear a sunset

hungover
walking day
a mist level
that slowly
soaks every
part of me
through
lavender
aqua
silk scarf
baboosh
soft white
sneakers
padding wet
the sunset
over the dome
glory
look right
into it sweet
blindness

Be A Body

eyes pop open 6am
autopilot
stomach woosh
pregnancy dream
moon pull
iud perforation
to be a body
in the workplace
heart palpitations
rattle lungs
back pain
it's Friday Night
thirteenth no less
8 bottles of wine
for 8 people
downed plus
chartreuse so much
room for liquid
once I get
started
melting candle wax
onto my palm
love the hot
drip

my sparkling world

dining in? 
table for two?

anywhere you like

the menu 

placed

at the edge

of the table

the way 

everything

is a code 

we leave

their water glasses

empty

she doesn't really

want to know

what we do when we leave

we're fine they say

then comes abruptly

the gesture for the check

the
I'm writing / poet 
gesture

oh ok so

do not disturb?

imagine

jesters

when the babies
blink up
licking
the syrup bells

Some Pile Theory 0098227

....

dreamed of an egg with a spine 

unsurprised at anything

wretched

the subletter’s lover

every night

at the only window

with a breeze

in protest 

I jerked off to revolution

to anything sharp

to dream logic adding up

caught onshore between

some fucking dude and

a shark sighting

I’m a puddle

wearing my eyeballs as earrings

being mad at gravity 

actually 

you said a cool thing about a puddle

jerking off

to contrast 

to harvesting ecstasy

from nothing

my marinated brain 

when we text about

nothing

the coiled weight 

the walls 

gray with

what still hangs around 

my podium, god

the pile

the ruin

laying it all down

the phone

the shield

the sword

room for the life

Fade Plan

I review the 

Fade Plan

late into the night

preparing 

for my first visit

the goal is to

make yourself 

unnecessary

driving in the majesty 

of sunrise

I think I can see

the curve of the earth better 

in winter light 

a bronze cowboy 

struggling out of 

the brick wall

of the municipal building 

with his bronze horse

pained expression

it’s weird to put that poster there

a sterile posh interior

on the outside of a

rundown thing

store window reflecting icy

over the peach colored walls

and Christmas tinsel inside 

I recently have seen two 

different funeral homes

that right under where 

their signs say such and such 

FUNERAL HOME

they’ve put a giant

CLOCK

rude

faded fruit decals

glistening near a loading dock

gliding in the majesty of 

driving

the city on the map 

the frozen marsh

the trip 

cruising

on the clock 

at A.B.’s house  

the clock was so wrong 

I thought it was upside down

he asks me what skills I have

and tells me he met Obama 

at a coffee shop 

when I leave 

driving down the slope of Ridge Ave

in the majesty of sunset
I see out over the edge of the world

the bridge with 

iron flowers painted primary colors

at every joint and junction 

the map of the city

the circle

complete

I lay in the tub

and feel like

I’m looking down at the ceiling

from up on the floor

hot topics

communism
music
BDSM

ever since the fire
at Ren’s auto body shop
in September

apocalypse
(always in)
astrology

but also just

late tues

wishing to confide 
in someone who 
doesn't care

surprise anorexic 
guest who brings
her own peas

sick like motion sick 
but distance

the bandaid 
of distance
i break a glass

Swoosh

New Girl

seed pod
for a tree?
silver white
strands
attached
like hair
impossible
clown car
of seeds
floating out
into the air
silk scarves
from the sleeve
in my black suede
glove hand
inhale
one
imagine typing
as a
guitar solo
imagine
wearing
French Maid
costume
at the cafe
imagine
a
melody
for the
idea
that we are
all
one
mind
venn diagram
or
melting
like
butter
into
you

um

**********

*******

saved by?

maybe a song won't change
some people's minds but
this view of the bar where
my mom goes later

meet me at midnight

...don't be late 
on his t-shirt coming down
the cobblestones

acting all rushed on
34th street, stoic
but actually loving
the shitshow
the bells and Mariah

i say to myself oh,
won't you stay?
swallow
die a little
and Go
there will be
mountains...

Saved With(?) Amazing Grace
the mimes at church
in jeans and t-shirts
maybe a song won't
change some people's minds
but
SWAGS' painted face
the baby in the balcony
yelling
amen

the man in the choir
that my grandma loved
his face
so sunken
he seems barely alive
someone said he won't
eat anymore but he's
singing a solo, got
everyone going

ever see the button on your shirt
move with your heartbeat?

amen?

i am the restaurant and the restaurant is me part 1,000,000

muttering while gliding
through the restaurant
back to work
says boss, like a mad dad
his stale breath
a very unbecoming harmony
to the scold
berated for not calling the delivery driver on time
for the catering order i wasn't told about
dad leaves no choice
but for us to rebel
security cameras in every corner
we've halfway installed
surveillance
in our own heads
but goof off anyways
come in on my day off
to pick up a sandwich
no food in my own fridge
sustenance
or servitude?

Every Prank Is A Blessing

South Philly Italian restaurant
60-something hostess with hair
fried by years of dying and fluffing
jersey snakeskin blouse billowing
as she clicks around the dining room
eyes held in place by black eyeliner
serene drooping smile
loudly giving the shy server shit
for setting a table wrong
you never get anything right
the door at the end of the dining room
with a stained glass window
reading Gianna’s Room
emerald ribbons
powder puff flowers
victorian debutant saloon
style stained glass
waiters go in and out
the sliding door reveals for a moment
the private party
giggles
young versions of the hostess
adjusting their skirts
sometimes makeup is magic
and sometimes makeup
is just makeup

Firm & Sweet

thank you
Jean-Jacques
for more
yoga wisdom
he reminds us to
be firm and sweet

Ben says
there is no 
talking cure
for abject poverty
he wants to have
a private practice
and help who he can

discussion of
couple in full shiny
bdsm leather gear
mom crawling, on a leash
held by dad
dad, pushing a stroller
toddler in stroller

Stanley our guy
who pays for the coffee later
and works endlessly on his
handwritten calendar
because he doesn't
trust any old calendar
you could buy at the store

he yells across the room to ask
what's your name again?
when I tell him he says
oh ok, ok
did I tell you
Kayla and I are 
having 10 kids?

I clarify that's how many
you have now?
no no he says we're in 
the process though
do you think that's too many?
I tell him I don't think
I could handle that
and mix sugar and cream
into his coffee for him

i gotta find peace of mind

head against the wall
type spirals not
a cute roommate
to mom
i let her cat
bite me

it's not in the computer

it's in the back
& i miss it even
when i'm there

100% concrete block

to reflect later on it's
embedded gems

leave time alone!
and the months
in between

woke with sick
awareness of organs

her beautiful face
at late dinner

i'm undone because

Why

don’t I understand anything

temporalis (part 1)

our holding hands

cropped at the rink I mean

that's it

who am i today

except for the times

walking my granda

over the ice

down the hall

you're descending

                            see 

                            it's sunny 

your head 

on the window

                       and snowy at once 

call me           ?

all these weird things

throb

the newspaper framed

in her necklace 

fuck this bedroom 

for harvesting

respite

Soup to Nuts

that's all

"unconscionable" tbt

I know the root is
"conscience" but the
way it's pronounced, I think
"conch" like there is
no seashell, the seashell
of the mind, roaring white noise
in an empty chamber
what can't you conch?
the seashell of the mind
empty, floating

sit on the bench by where
the trollies turn around
someone cracks open a beer
also alone, I don't want
to be a spy anymore
the privilege of observing
the words stuck in my mind
sometimes when I'm sitting still
with my eyes closed I can slice
through my empty body
like air, I imagine it so easy
a butterknife zig zagging
from the top of my head
to the bottom of my feet

walking through the city at night
"University City", "West"
Cowboy and I become
invisible, again the spy
the Penn student in his living
room in a dress shirt
holding a candelabra?
the uneven bricks of
the sidewalk, so many bricks
like people on this planet
I had a thought about them
warping, waving into
rolling hills over tree roots

sometimes my eyes zoom out
and see the trees lining a street
from an omnipotent perspective
and I see how gravity
and wind have acted on them
and I see just how alive they are and
ready to take over or fall over
how silly to plant them surrounded
by sidewalk

Identity to Go

getting emails from nobody
about my fingerprinting appointment
in the “Pennovation” building
I’m told to walk in what feels
like a spiral of hallways
past the “Ghost Robotics Lab”
just one tired fingerprinter
in a tiny cubicle at the end of a hallway
he says he’s been doing this for years
:(

undying

snowed in and

can't comprehend

any bit of the book

this 5 am

the shadeless lamp

already reading

about body damage

exhausted 

but make plans

in the dark

for a bagel

i'm 13 again

the blinds always drawn

the heater was

my dad coming home

so many times 

i watched

the sunset but also

the whole day before 

and the whole night after

heaven is other people

will a child find me 
by a stream
   my eyes feel like
they're gonna bleed
 kiss 
    my petals
 weave me 
   through a dream
    on my own 
here I go

(it's a mash up of "les fleurs"
and "brain stew")

budget the day
drug test at LabCorp
just popping out to
use a public restroom

the Pee Tech's hair
matches her lipstick
exactly
mauve/auburn
mauvburn
scrubs also

computer for work
guitar
computer for fun
guitar
hungry
clean house time
to do list vs
dream task

the Christmas toy I found on the street
next to me in it's box reading
"TWO TIE PRAMID"
beckons me to assemble

how the fuck is it 4pm
scream boat

town...

how the teacher says
i'll wait 

the manifesto
a splitting headache

walk by the library
longingly

the vein under his
eye when he's
tired

frozen cocktail
of fuel and winter

the avenue
would never 
be what it was 

dd (dear diary)

at the party I think
all I do is want
answers
attention
to get some laughs
to get to the meat
to love and be loved
tell myself tomorrow
I will stop wanting so much
will contain myself



tiny proportionate port glasses
a plastic folding table for the booze
spread of fancy digestifs and aperitifs
this one smells like olives
and tastes like Christmas
they bought a former Catholic girls' school
multicolored pastel candy linoleum floor
dressed in a layer of sawdust
powdered sugar
they found an old invitation
to the school halloween party
typewritten inside the outline
of a witch on a broom
crumbly paper
pinned to wall



zoom out my friends can afford this?
how?
cigarettes inside



I make a documentary in my head
interviewing everyone at the party



Lucia tells me courting the rich people
for fundraising is fine
you just have to know their interests
make them feel cool



Nargiz says she thinks the revolution
is women being easier on themselves
and having confidence in their own minds



I ask Wai Ji what her dream job is
she doesn't know but after school she decided
being an artist wasn't something
she could do
figuring out what her narrative was
and making work about it
in that way



talks about her tech job
    UX
       10X
revenue
    my teams
the new owners 
  wanted us
   to grow revenue 
by 10% that made 
me very angry
  I told them look
that should be 
a company goal













*~`.
in my dream I know he's around
     in "The Bay" where I'm from
I drive by Lake Merritt as
    the sun is glinting sideways
into the steamy windows of
 my car, brown leather
it's an old Volkswagen or something
         I hear him reciting a poem
from far away, but for me
  like I'm in two places at once
sun just starting to tilt, Fairy Land sign
I light two lavender colored candles
   holding them in my left hand
against the steering wheel
     lighter in my right
wobbling wheel
   to help him find me
  white yellow candle flame against
    beams in the windows
glinting off the lake