Agency

I’ve been getting stuck in the space between
filling in the blanks

what Celia said about global warming
being the perfect result of, and companion to,
late capitalism
because if there is no off season
business is always on

spots where the sidewalk is stained purple
from jacaranda flowers fallen and crushed
feel them under your sneakers

to be here on the beach
with the local women begging me to buy a necklace
and the white dreads yogis “searching”
and the French Canadians yelling TOSTADA

A Little Something

mood like the clouds passing
skittish 

heavy like the groceries

light like the song in my ear
worried about paralysis vs.

ability to execute 

want to daydream 

with words and music forever

but the course catalogue

volunteer application 

election Chemistry
Anatomy wind chimes 

seven inch virus 

Mom family art show

tour Dad family 

travel work schedule 

my hero in wonderful clothes

passing me by
clouds moving
I’d like to

deep breaths etc 1

doing everything fast except
what I'm being fast for
wasting mania on texting
falling, opening

a whole night's sleep as one piece of the puzzle
one place I've been
one cocoon in chrysalis

spiritual blazer

flirting with alcoholism
like a grown up
spinning my wheels

late to jail

woke up every hour still having not made it to jail

my probation was familiar 

like blank paper and color pencils 

looking for a ride there

yeah i was thinking of a metal rail 

screwed in tight with the anchors & everything

we were just awake i guess and 

i saw this rail as the other thing

the other thing that I thought was lost but

its the cake and eating a pocket
cut from my pants

the time he said
you should always have a secret plan
and
just play dead 
they can’t kill you if you’re already dead
disappearing in his bedroom

















Mom is loose in the desert
with the rabbits coyotes and roadrunners
vision of her driving till she runs out of gas
astral projecting beyond the landscape

General Issue

little mouths floating

saying some shit

more us than me

see it from all sides

let me be your chauffeur 

or a singing nurse
I wanna be dependable
in this small town

counting my friends/blessings
let me be real/sentimental

loving vs. needing

a classic q
let it be unconditional
let it be free

find out

waiting by the train station
in the dark car like a private eye
two tall buildings in my view
on one building’s LED screen the time ticks by
- - - - -7:57 pm - - - - - - - - - 7:58 pm - - - -
the other building spells out L O V E
then shows flashing concentric hearts
I feel the way months flatten
not that serious at all

I keep thinking about the
corny prescription from JJ
love is a revolution
an initiation
the only thing worth decorating
yourself and the world with
love needs action
it starves on words alone

Auntie calls flustered about Mom
but expresses zero opinion
I’m missing information
gaps in my ability to understand
loyalty, denial, protection
codependence
or is it just love?
is it just family?
I’m so far away
the outsider

Mom says
Do NOT call my family 
acting like a teenager
going home to her mom
locking herself in the bathroom
yelling till she is horse

Auntie says
You’re welcome!!Spoke with my 
mom this morning and she was calm 
and collected.  She baked a cake and 
was wondering through the garden. 
Mom said she was really angry and 
upset last night. Mom just listen 
and let her vent.

My mom? Your mom?
My family? Your family?
Mom Mom Mom Mom
baking a cake
wondering through the garden

my big rose

comprenez-moi

oolong tea plus coconut milk from a can and wildflower honey
sitting at the table in the window
sunbathing

Dornröschen

sleeping drinking dying
dis-articulating the cranium
the only rule is
do it
finally awake
after 400 years
be disciplined even about
indulging your vices
cos tomorrow is yesterday

weekend like

the fam in town for chunks
of stress the yellow lines
dividing the road all day
the lack of words like a
lemon wedge
the conflict
taped shut
the conflict
cracked open
the conflict when I cry

the smog like cereal milk and
mom wants to move here
through the tinted window
she waves with both hands

also

Mom says she is pregnant
my eyes roll up into infinity
it’s always a son

K.A.D.E.

a decade of the truest friend
I remember when we were 16
sleepwalking

the day we sat on the bridge over the river
we agreed that drawing was being
and you didn’t need a thesis

generation

forever 21 esque edm in the lyft
feels like eating a graham cracker

Headlines

FT reports on Biden’s Wall St donors
having a “sinking feeling”

my dog’s yellow eyes

I debate catching the bus up to money town
but it’s always the coldest day of the year there

Stanley Cntd.

the windows opposing ours light up at 3am
voices echo in the alley

oh you’re trying to keep your property clean?
you can keep it
you can keep it, I’m going home
I pay rent around the corner 
I’m going home
you can KEEP your property
and have a nice day
you can keep your property clean
have a nice day
as for me I sweep up
you can keep it

Stanley’s voice sounds different at night
deeper, a little screwed up

book town apple coffee

feeling seen and seeing

also seeing through  

and in between, etc

so no facade 

means all facade

uncanny

am I talking about windows

not sure

and then the mysterious way

clouds hang out in the park

stuck in the trees

shocks me

knowing 100% fantasy
is reality  

warm light from tall windows 

some professor’s home study

every square foot of the walls lined with books

god I love 

to be at my desk 

then more people silhouetted in more windows

I think about the Brian De Palma movies I've seen 

some people keep
their egos in their shirt pockets

always just at hand

easy as an apple

the boss sticks his foot

in the tiny trashcan to compact it 

I say

I don’t think you can fit in there 

Diamond Princess

all the little quarantined cruise ships
circling the globe







jingle jangle
disco blasting
thinking about
driving off the pier

















the movement is beautiful
fuck everyone in our way

Letter OG Devil Letter Angel Remix

yikes

full body theme

love in opposing corners

a traffic circle

Nora's fancy earring

pacing around/you’re loving me

eating off the wooden spoon because

I'm grown and the huge

moon tonight

my phone lighting up inside 

the glove compartment while

I'm Inside writing from paint chips

Curiosity, Untamed, Liquid Gold

B actually smelling them for her poem 

like a McDonald's bathroom she says

they all sound like nothing though

my back falling down

out of love?

in the nook w/ the music

to fall in love and stay in it

love/bread medievally basic

fundamentally speaking the crack 

there has me loose seeking a unique 

not-ok, for the in between, she wrote

to all of us and probably the person behind me

rearrangement

I was holding a piece of paper to my ear
with your name on it
talking into it
wondering how I was going to
delete the evidence of the call

pacing the sidewalk
you're saying all this stuff!
a sun shower
a heist, an earthquake
the shiny people becoming otherwise
saw your smile in a room
my paper was gone &
it wasn't even you

More Than A Woman

sunset the same colors as
The Ultimate Bee Gees album art

rest then

(1/5) Writing this early. I'm up to
see dawn in Santa Fe. I tried as b

(2/5) est I could. I'm extra tired
now. Not finding understanding,
exc

(4/5) Don't panic, Livia. (i named you).
I'm okay.
Just sad & tir

(3/5) ept in strangers. It's tough
out here.
My phone's losing charge.

(5/5) ed 😻

northeast

the moon on the roof
falling right into my eye
a diamond that’s piercing

fake sunflowers icy wind
the city is a picnic
its wide open boulevards

Dust Bunny

a bald techno dome
Disney owns the whole shitload now
generic 80s actors
close encounters to the third power

left hand

the whole pretty hand thing

unafraid to put glitter
in the tub tonight
too...bad
to consider why not
bad like you got it
considering appendicitis

woke up laughing though

from all the falling
the debris of an open mouth
silence/ weak with duration

premonition

a snake slipping out of its skin
I wonder if it feels bad or good

David

to be a figment
when I was 15 in his bedroom
disappearing

settings

scavenger hunt
where the prize is
pockets of garbage
plastic cups paper
napkins up stairs down
crates dust
gallons where’s
the switch
eyes stuck on

faucet setting

sky on overcast
body on shiver
sun on set setting

brain on nowhere 

heart on cracked

boring

I dream a man cracked his skull in pieces
and had to gather his thoughts in the park

some kind of fucked up spell
by an aspiring cult leader

wake up to the “trouble in Iowa”
the dodo, the mouse, the eaglet, etc.

everyone gets a prize, gives a speech
the vote counting app made by “Shadow Inc.”

time

Stanley's trail of ripped paper
pasted to the sidewalk by the rain

when the teacher asks us how we feel
on a very physical plane
I don’t

laying down
allow the slight curve in your low back
so a tiny trail of ants could crawl under you

this doing nothing
is who we really are