Tuesday, June 16, 2020

never look back

losing and finding
my mind
reading about
the brain's tender mother
tree of life
and spider silk
losing and finding
myself stoned like
a cortical homunculus
that must explain
the feeling of very big
very far away
hands you could drive to
Mom said she
rolled her car
covered in oil
2 broken fingers
a somersault
in San Felipe
her dog jumped out
one of the open windows
and ran until she died
in the desert
crows circling
losing and finding
my mind she says
it's not madness
I was chosen 
for an interesting life
and so were you
I can't actually
feel anything
about it
lost and found
reading about the mountain
that eats men
the first city of capital
Potosi birthplace
of the dollar sign
what if I melt
my silver bracelets
and pour them back
into the earth
I don't know what's
most important
how to hold it all
my "brown" grandma
is the most racist
Mom says now it's 
just adding zeros 
in computers at least 
in the days of silver
and gold you could 
get the old coinage
stamped with the insignia 
of the new regime
I'm not brave
thinking only in
the radical present
because what if
there is no later
fearing a long
empty life or
death without 
meaning stuck
outside &
in between