girl go

around the edges she's still with me

my soul external

like peter pan's shadow

tripping up the stairs

lagging behind

girl, go

anywhere you want to

thirteen years later 

crying to this song in my cubicle

she's still with me my soul 

lagging behind the others

I know my place 

leave life to the living

I still can't claw my way

into 3 dimensions

or suspend disbelief

long enough to stay there

mirror to my nearing birthday

with Grandma Rebecca's sudden passing

I'm turning 30, she was about 3 times that 

photos of her as a young girl

the sparkle in her black eyes

I know her, I want to know her

the pain and fantasy in her heart just then

her soul and how it corresponds to my own

girl, go

anywhere you want to

wondering about 

herding cattle

knowing geography

hopping trains

shows and lovers and parties

finishing books 

drugs 

working summer jobs

fixing my own car

playing in a band

girl, go

around the edges I'm done

over being lost 

with my selective memory

irreverence and rootlessness

dear diary this

isn't a poem