Monday, January 1, 2018

15 degrees and frags x 3

I can't remember when people started
shutting their shades on airplanes
since when are they dark places?
The flight attendant even made
an announcement suggesting
we shut them

we have collectively agreed to
prioritize screens over the sky
and everything else

the sunlight makes glares
so we shift into
dark flight

landing in Newark is like
rolling into my mom's bed

for the first time I like
saying Merry Chrissssmas to people
something wells up

feeling mushy like I'll frown if poked
with a stick but my eyes will be sweet
still cuz the December sun is tender
I'm happy to be the mush pile in a
temporary way

the cloud of dust sparkling
before the bathrobe it's Christmas
the dust is the snow
in our freezing cardboard house

today I am miserable
hormonally miserable
the softness has melted into misery
and this truth never saves me
I did the money wrong at work
and forgot about the sandwich board
it was stolen by frat boys and
I cut two boys in line and
they didn't forgive me

the seasons in our house are stronger
outside a year in LA is a blur
hot or hotter, fire or green for a week
but when again? the circle itself
seems to be spinning, the lazy river...
was I sitting by the AC or
the space heater? did we have
rats or ants?

starring in a dream is just
front-manning the emotional
riff-raff and dealing with the
various shapes

it's a dark sleep with my jacket on backwards
I seen my eyelids meeting sideways
and feels like a fluffy duster
resting on my face

the'res a wooden reindeer running towards me
his limbs are flat and old school
on hinges, like a set
screwed on so they'd swing if
he was suspended
the clean wooden shapes gallop digitally
across a freeway
there's one tissue on the street

he appears larger when he arrives
as if teleported or animated and I think
of UFO's

I listened to Tyler's arch of reaction to
the space x launch, he was sure it
was aliens, I was excited and pleased
he pulled over and said excuse me, sir
do you know what that is in the sky?
I imagine an old man, a Mexican cowboy
pumping gas, no, he says

I am sewing and my phone is on the table
I listen to the high energy rustling
the car beeping noises

to be kind, one has to swerve regularly
from their path

crying about
everybody's children
notions of generosity
Quest on fresh air
gifts that give back

we need different words to describe our experience

sleeping with your period
to make yourself at home
I see a dark blue skirt printed
with black forks and blood
is getting on it
I don't know how to sleep
with my period anymore
when did this happen
every month with no answer
I bleed so much I can't keep up
like my organs are being wrung

dream I was at Erin Pillsbury's wedding
there were cakes being shown,
one looked really good with
powdered sugar almost like
more was appearing before my eyes
or I was willing it to

boats on the water with glass windows
the wedding boats

mini wheat world
letting everyone have a piece of me
in the frost
sometimes I wanna be
a winter loaf alone
buttered with the guilt I can't control

do we all take our lyft drivers for oracles?

he says 8 has to be better than 7
you can't times 7 by 2 and I think
he means divide and I think I know
what he means