Sunday, January 14, 2018


it’s the first rain of the season
when I find out that
my first boyfriend has died

I was standing over my sewing table
with a dark pit spreading in me
seeking its link to reality

and the click is obvious
my car broke down on the way here
that’s the darkness
I even see the lights go down on the
image of that moment
and although it started back up
it was too late, the pit had hatched
plus it was about to rain

I was standing over my sewing table
figuring out how to attach a cloth head
to a cloth body
Alice texted me, I wanted you to know
about Jake Goldberg

no one ever wants you to know
something good
about someone you haven’t spoken to in years
at least not in the middle of the day

we spent afternoons after school
at Jake’s house on Elston road,
eventually these names
Elston and Jake, morphed into one notion
of where I could find him
or at least imagine him being

we got cell phones at the same time
and texted all night
with just a mile and a half of quiet town between us

the first time we kissed was my first kiss
the creepy games of our age
had begun and
we were in a boiler room

it was freezing
everyone in makeup
“we were all nightmares”
Ethan says

the demons

the dark AIMS
I would print them out
signed off
a basement boy in
basketball shorts
playing the same games

now the rain is hard and
I’m looking for a candle to light
just a little something,
Mary says
it’s times like these
it’d be nice to think
he’s remembering that kiss in heaven