new dream or hell induced wonder

the wedding of my own
(I call him) husband
to another
one of those big ones
in small town Connecticut
I knew the bride to be vaguely
I knew why we were in
Connecticut but did she?

some of us were given small notes
with scribbled speech prompts
why do you think me and ****
should keep sleeping together?
damn
that's mine?
what I came up with was
I can't talk, or I'll cry 

there was a breakdown/intermission
with strippers that was participatory
and revealed who was comfortable
with sex etc

I stepped outside,
into the dregs of a monsoon

I walked to a flower shop on the dock,
a man and his son

I walked into a hotel,
faceless people in the corner,
the way I curved around them

I walked too far down some carpeted stairs
and saw complete darkness

I turned back towards the wedding with
a waxing right to my pain
its shape revealed I thought
there's a lego vibe to the end of all this
I could have put some pieces together



**** **
to squeeze myself into the regular beginning of
what I thought was a dark morning but
the sun just hasn't found my window
yet