Friday, January 17, 2020

the same

curling a ribbon
deveining a shrimp

Wednesday, January 15, 2020

angel-abra

dappled

I watch as the woman
lifts her apple watch 
to the infant's face







nobody told the flowers to come up

you have to sprint towards your goals 
or inertia will crush you like a stone
it's all around us 
at the end of an 8.5 hour shift
you just have to pick yourself up
and keep throwing yourself at that wall
(pick a wall, any wall)
until it cracks
cos 9 times out of 10
you will bounce right off 
there's no silver bullet
for this thing
(living)
not in a poem 
not in a horoscope
I set a timer 







nightlight

the person who stands outside the store 
asks me to buy her white vinegar
when I hand it to her she screws off the top
and starts drinking it like water







imagine

I'm here for you like 
the nightlight in the bathroom
when you stumble in

Sunday, January 12, 2020

intellectual birthday candle

when you try to make something that you pictured
and it turns out the materials on hand don't work at all
and you're right back where you started with a fantasy
less time and some wasteful scraps a sticky mess when
you try to make something and you realize you will
probably run out of materials and you're going to have
to spend money again when you try to make something
and are confronted by technical challenges harsh reality
impinges on the fantasy object when you try

Saturday, January 11, 2020

Thursday, January 9, 2020

Consider Discipline (Again)

in the dumb cafe
I unwittingly
braid the potted fern
behind me
into my hair



I think capturing
slivers of her
shiny painted nails
in the scanner bed
when assembling
our reading packets
is part of our teacher's
artistic practice



the White House wants
to let many pipelines
and other major projects
go ahead without review



I wonder what's a choice
and what's a habit
anymore
I wonder what we all are
without each other

Wednesday, January 8, 2020

remember

50 people die in stampede
at funeral procession of Soleimani
missiles fired at US base in Iraq
Iranian Americans detained for 11 hours
at US Canadian border
Australia in flames

Monday, January 6, 2020

dirt equation

family trees
should be upside down
given the old ones
are up there
or out there
or
so
we are the
roots more
down low and
I like the idea of
put in one nurse
 + one grandpa
get out one
mom
put in mom
+ dad
get out two
nurses

walk sign is on to cross

following him on his trash route
x
x
long pause at the corner of Landsdowne 
and Baltimore 
diagonal sun
crosswalk chirping
wait
wait
there is quite a lot of litter
by the bus stop
I try to follow 
not too close
but I couldn’t be more conspicuous
funky skirt bold scarf
jangly accessories
dawdling as only 
a hipster can
what is a poem more than
hot pink plastic ribbon 
looped through a fence
waving
a mennonite construction worker
with a bowl cut stares
    $ A STAR $
     BAZAAR
      SO MANY 
    VENDORS
       UNDER 
        ONE
        ROOF
but the lights off
it's all closed on this Monday
Landshutdowne Ave
I lean on the parking meter
cars run over my tall
3 o'clock shadow
someone says shadow 
on a speakerphone call
I catch it through 
the open window 
of their car passing
    Jesus = the Light of
   the World Reflect 
          that Light! 
  Have a Blessed 2020
written in chalk by hand
the last half of the route 
is going east on Baltimore
towards the skyline like 
the Emerald City again
church bells for 3:30 pm
moon white 
on the center
of the blue sky
layer upon layer 
of chipped&faded 
lavender paint on 
a metal pole
trophies in the 
window of a martial 
arts studio
I don't need much
all I ask is just
park me in the sun

Saturday, January 4, 2020

after jung tzu

the mirror in my bedroom
is an elegant forest
when I sit at my desk 
peripheral vision
shapeshifter
on a frozen pond
trick butterfly
smokey glass eye
my bedroom mirror
is a free agent
ice fishing for a dull face
to stare into
a heavy sleeper
to fuck with

Friday, January 3, 2020

the elegant brain

nuzzle a beer to my cheek
wipe the toilet seat
Chaplin vs Keaton
avuncular vs patuncular
why not avauntular?
looking for a shiny surface
to make eye contact with
I'm always texting Mega Bed
but the friend of the friend
is apparently always secretly
recording audio with his phone

wet lights

babysit the
wet lights
on the rain walk
instead of all
the smart boys
who don’t even
need me

babysit the ice rink
babysit pearls
on the edge
of a feeling like
a lake

we’re all just skulls
waiting to happen
feel your eye sockets
see what I mean
do whatever
you want

Fat Stream / To Do

my list
is always long
so in the purgatory
of a sick day
do I do all or
do nothing?

it goes
on
and on
choose ice skating
or nursing school
tired of needing
rest

listen to Key
by Meredith Monk
start to finish
like the answer is
in there somewhere
half medicine
half torture

my list is long
#1
more money
do you have to
wrestle back
into yourself
all the time?

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

moving



a waste of plastic
to bag up what
I'm over so
I rake it all
against the fence

this morning with
limon lays
the mountains
rat shit and the
truck

the hot roofer
his neck tattoos

I bet you have
the nicest roof
in south central

I wrote out my dream
in big thick marker:

walking briskly to
a more perfect food
& scared someone
along the way

goals, perfection
amidst transition?

unapologize and
publish!




a little bit of everything everyday

   boy paws&
dog paws
at 3 am but I'ms
leEp
  ing
visit
  from
a college
figure who
I can only
remember
by Instagram
 name now
    he gave me
a Super 8
camera
encouraging
my "work"
 I was
touched

Monday, December 30, 2019

chapter called Church



people say they might Jewish this week
perhaps in solidarity with the stabbed—
negotiating this, the Hanukah 
party, the floorplan of the rabbi’s house

can I start off bouncy though
really easy on the surface
so it’s just like look over here
a fun keychain, a floor routine
ribbons glitter scarves chalk

I am moved by a caption
she's like 
I'm adding to the pile 
but wishing the kids could just 
be free
basically saying a moving
train but even that is
going somewhere

I won’t forget the train
from Paris to Berlin
I won’t forget how it
rehydrated Hebrew School
dropped fear back off
in my cave 

at the house I’m out 
of hammer and nails so
I sit still, I eat kind of
dying 
not to read but to know 
better the bible I get
mass selfies from my top
2 literally from mother 
and Mary

I turn it on and I can’t think 
I turn it off and I’m scared
to be alone without the music
that fills me with inspo but also
stops me like a drawn bath

they sing this song 
fill my cup, lord!
and then
the choir does the wine
pouring motion or
blood pouring

I can imagine you 
shutting my dusty zine
as if a heavy book with
fear on the church chapter

but grow up 
god is back
and pile theory
are some other
title options 


*






make a wish, make a joke



C and the W

the man in office
is a big distraction
I don't waste any breath on but
for 30 seconds I want to acknowledge
my deep disgust when he says “witch hunt” 
to decry any accusation
tell it to all the women 
burnt
that wasn’t a fluke
it never ended
he will always be the hunter
he has never known 
what it is to be hunted  

Sunday, December 29, 2019

ancient drunk or

texting
from a padiddle
(I didn't know
this term
it means a
car with one
headlight
burnt out)
in the middle
of 95 south
at night

Friday, December 27, 2019

Parra Sonnet 1



I would prefer to die ahead of you
an interesting mess behind me something
like shouting just hang up, hang up and thrive
paranoid sitting next to your pencils

the trash can courtesy of a phony
pen-name considering where you’ve bounced to 
my poem on the coast on a wall on
1950’s Facebook, considering

the family that I am pre grieving
the mountain I came down with lord knowing
an amount of time handing off justice
or sitting on a fruit scale and thinking

about the pit of your lie and actually
I would prefer that you be first to die

lontanissimo

eating seaweed snacks
with lipstick on at Penn station
green dust in the corners



Nothing Bundt Cakes 2

he got me a job at McDonald's
it was at the end of my grandma’s street 
in Santa Cruz 
it was the middle of the night but I walked over 
and made a Shirley Temple per someone’s order
using the many plastic packets provided 
which dosed out the grenadine and soda 
mixing the drink outside in the parking lot 
a cop sitting in his car behind tinted windows
listening to his dispatch radio 
















































x

to reclaim the idea that 
nothing is possible
that is poetry 
I baked a cake shaped like 
the queen of England’s crown
a duvet of jade colored marzipan spread
edges piped with edible metallic pearls  
it tasted like 
looking through the window of a moving train 
the sun rising over a frozen field
truly I baked a cake 
entirely out of 
nothing












the almost sleep
feeling of having
really big
far away
body parts 
that you might 
drive to













Wednesday, December 25, 2019

I’m Talking

the city vs the country 
vs the Amazon
East Coast vs West Coast
vs Milan, Italy
people in the Amazon
who hold your hand
and look into your eyes
to understand who you are
children who can’t learn 
because they only engage with
screens as babies
missing sensory information
and synapses
no real social skills
looking into the phone
the 17 sustainable development goals
we’re signed into agreement in 2015
but none are in effect
if they just did number 5
gender equality
how much would change 
it’s all about economics 
there is enough
it needs to be redistributed
...in some ways...
but consumers are demanding
the electric car
capitalism is taking care of it 
I don’t want to talk about it
it’s unpleasant
not today
I just see his orange face in my mind
... diapers
dementia
the further I advanced in archeology
the fewer women there were around me
particularly on expeditions
I looked up and I was alone
this can’t be right 
there are so many women
waiting



Tuesday, December 24, 2019

monday



babysitting at the weed 
I mean I went to the parking
lot is full at the store with
the babies in the shopping
cart in the rain and I went
to the weed store after
sativa is the mind right?
hemp papers cuz she
a hippie alone in my car
in the rain in LA agua
puddle agua dew 
agua sandbox agua
pink hangover tide 
me over with 7% thc 
until the movies until
god removes my
blocks in the closet

Monday, December 23, 2019

molto smart, such physician

we love to play
with our food and our words

the silver placemats
silver = argento

feeling medieval
with mi vino goblet 

tutti argento, snail tools
me and Coqui, devils 

Papa, quiet
observing

I wonder if he is writing too



Sunday, December 22, 2019

Saturday, December 21, 2019

mandrake

of course bleeding
like paw prints
in the toilet
dark iodine

there are so many types of shop
thick shining windows
hanging perfume
cigarettes

loosen up
in every language
become my mother
loud, stubborn

go work a real job 
then get back to me
good, glad he doesn’t
think what I do is real

stirring clams into pasta
their shells sound like rain
I giggle uncontrollably
devil horns

Twist 3



dtf who I wish I was
when you see me
it’s always the pants
an opaque leg
a departure from
the truth of my
body that gets me

meanwhile I was 
very prepared
for the climate protest
in which you had leadership
I thought I was waiting out
practice, the scaling
of the wall alongside
the mock freeway

suddenly I was alone

twist 1 is that I wasn’t
thinking outside the box
concerning my definition
of practice

twist 2 is no one does
think around
all the furniture
and traditions
the invisible fence
on the lawn of brain

all the groups like
rice patties 

all the crusty strangers
of adjacent scenes 

where? without me
I'm stuck but here
to wring poems 
for clean cloth

spread out

information 
to blow seeds

group's origin 
in crop




Liminal Ladies

doused in the white fluorescence of the airport
I can see just how dirty all of my clothing is
how wintered and spotted my face
ragged and static my hair 

I daydream a very wealthy lady
who lives in the air always
only touching down for fuel and food
swaddled in white noise, cloud views 

painting her nails glossy red
watching The Big Sleep on tv
biggest bubbles in her champagne 
endless pasta alfredo

so I skip the automatic dryer
using my damp hands to pull
lint and dog hair 
from my sweater 

to be liminal forever, the ultimate luxury
I love this lonely lady
I see her in a white unitard, leg warmers
and camel colored cashmere

I stretch at the gate
clasp my hands behind my back
drop my head and roll it from shoulder to shoulder
lift each foot to stretch each hamstring

try to embody my lonely lady
I hope everyone thinks I’m Italian
or a ballerina
or an Italian ballerina

I align all eight of the silver hoops in my ears
adjust the bun at the nape of my neck
make sure my silver bracelets 
are glinting and exposed

touch everything in my “personal item”
apply the balm and the salve
take out the b&w checkered scarf
lovingly fold, reinsert

I buy a toothbrush and toothpaste
recycle the cardboard, trash the plastic 
make a plan to stay in the tiny bathroom 
and pamper myself, for a very long time

Friday, December 20, 2019

rose city



what you forgot
in my dark room
that’s what 
she said
also
awesome <3

I’m driving again
shrinking & 
the mountains

there   they   are

circling the rose parade
towards oh happy days
baby blue nails 
and wooden
I should
rock more

ring a ling a ling ding dong ding

we love our bread
we love our butter
but most of all
we love each other

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

spillnothing

I can see my future
it's posted on the bulletin board
in the kitchen at the restaurant

I can see my future
it's in a spreadsheet
I received via email

I can see my future
it's the time it takes
on public transit
counting backwards
from an hour before my flight

at the same time a feeling
of being on a conveyor belt
into the past

transferring from work to bus
to train to plane
to a place where
nothing is possible

note to self
never turn 26 again
I tilt my head back
to keep the tears in my eyes

Tuesday, December 17, 2019

sludge

hate 
Christmas

Monday, December 16, 2019

woke up: where am I (home 2)


Cucumber feels huge
compared to Skittles
ami takes her outside
to chew on bamboo
in snowboard
clothes

mismatch furniture
or get new shit?
can never gage
improvement's worth
my farmhouse
mess my piano
stand, hello
dust

book
stacks
teetering
atop
little
($5)
bookshelf
smaller
and
smaller
to
one
piece a
paper

rubbery today
and coughing
color blocking
advising
recommending
sleeping
in my own
bed






Sunday, December 15, 2019

soda and bitters

frosted glass jar
swirl to mix
the sound 
of the cubes 
is just like
horse hooves 
on cobblestones
slow motion
potion
orange drops 
dissipate ombre
I cut a persimmon
into 8 perfect pieces
put it on a pink glass
tea saucer
and eat it in bed
reading Caliban
and the Witch
by headlamp

Illness As Metaphor

!?

i could wear a sunset

hungover
walking day
a mist level
that slowly
soaks every
part of me
through
lavender
aqua
silk scarf
baboosh
soft white
sneakers
padding wet
the sunset
over the dome
glory
look right
into it sweet
blindness

Be A Body




eyes pop open 6am
autopilot
stomach woosh
pregnancy dream
moon pull
iud perforation
to be a body
in the workplace
heart palpitations
rattle lungs
back pain
it's Friday Night
thirteenth no less
8 bottles of wine
for 8 people
downed plus
chartreuse so much
room for liquid
once I get
started
melting candle wax
onto my palm
love the hot
drip

Friday, December 13, 2019

my sparkling world

dining in? 
table for two?
anywhere you like

the menu 
placed
at the edge
of the table

the way 
everything
is a code 

we leave
their water glasses
empty

she doesn't really
want to know
what we do when we leave

we're fine they say
then comes abruptly
the gesture for the check
the
I'm writing / poet 
gesture
oh ok so
do not disturb?
imagine

jesters
when the babies
blink up
licking
the syrup bells


Some Pile Theory 0098227

....

dreamed of an egg with a spine 
unsurprised at anything
wretched


the subletter’s lover
every night
at the only window
with a breeze


in protest 
I jerked off to revolution
to anything sharp


to dream logic adding up


caught onshore between
some fucking dude and
a shark sighting


I’m a puddle


wearing my eyeballs as earrings
being mad at gravity 
actually 
you said a cool thing about a puddle


jerking off
to contrast 
to harvesting ecstasy
from nothing


my marinated brain 
when we text about


nothing


the coiled weight 
the walls 


gray with
what still hangs around 


my podium, god
the pile
the ruin


laying it all down
the phone
the shield

the sword

Thursday, December 12, 2019

room for the life



Fade Plan

I review the 
Fade Plan
late into the night
preparing 
for my first visit

the goal is to
make yourself 
unnecessary





driving in the majesty 
of sunrise
I think I can see
the curve of the earth better 
in winter light 






a bronze cowboy 
struggling out of 
the brick wall
of the municipal building 
with his bronze horse
pained expression




it’s weird to put that poster there
a sterile posh interior
on the outside of a
rundown thing







store window reflecting icy
over the peach colored walls
and Christmas tinsel inside 


I recently have seen two 
different funeral homes
that right under where 
their signs say such and such 
FUNERAL HOME
they’ve put a giant
CLOCK
rude




faded fruit decals
glistening near a loading dock
gliding in the majesty of 
driving
the city on the map 
the frozen marsh
the trip 
cruising
on the clock 


at A.B.’s house  
the clock was so wrong 
I thought it was upside down
he asks me what skills I have
and tells me he met Obama 
at a coffee shop 


when I leave 
driving down the slope of Ridge Ave
in the majesty of sunset
I see out over the edge of the world
the bridge with 
iron flowers painted primary colors
at every joint and junction 


the map of the city
the circle
complete
I lay in the tub
and feel like
I’m looking down at the ceiling
from up on the floor






Wednesday, December 11, 2019

hot topics


communism
music
BDSM

ever since the fire
at Ren’s auto body shop
in September

apocalypse
(always in)
astrology

but also just





late tues


wishing to confide 
in someone who 
doesn't care

surprise anorexic 
guest who brings
her own peas

sick like motion sick 
but distance

the bandaid 
of distance
i break a glass




Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Swoosh





New Girl

seed pod
for a tree?
silver white
strands
attached
like hair
impossible
clown car
of seeds
floating out
into the air
silk scarves
from the sleeve
in my black suede
glove hand
inhale
one
imagine typing
as a
guitar solo
imagine
wearing
French Maid
costume
at the cafe
imagine
a
melody
for the
idea
that we are
all
one
mind
venn diagram
or
melting
like
butter
into
you


um







Sunday, December 8, 2019

saved by?



maybe a song won't change
some people's minds but
this view of the bar where
my mom goes later

meet me at midnight

...don't be late 
on his t-shirt coming down
the cobblestones

acting all rushed on
34th street, stoic
but actually loving
the shitshow
the bells and Mariah

i say to myself oh,
won't you stay?
swallow
die a little
and Go
there will be
mountains...

Saved With(?) Amazing Grace
the mimes at church
in jeans and t-shirts
maybe a song won't
change some people's minds
but
SWAGS' painted face
the baby in the balcony
yelling
amen

the man in the choir
that my grandma loved
his face
so sunken
he seems barely alive
someone said he won't
eat anymore but he's
singing a solo, got
everyone going

ever see the button on your shirt
move with your heartbeat?

amen?



i am the restaurant and the restaurant is me part 1,000,000

muttering while gliding
through the restaurant
back to work
says boss, like a mad dad
his stale breath
a very unbecoming harmony
to the scold
berated for not calling the delivery driver on time
for the catering order i wasn't told about
dad leaves no choice
but for us to rebel
security cameras in every corner
we've halfway installed
surveillance
in our own heads
but goof off anyways
come in on my day off
to pick up a sandwich
no food in my own fridge
sustenance
or servitude?

Every Prank Is A Blessing

South Philly Italian restaurant
60-something hostess with hair
fried by years of dying and fluffing
jersey snakeskin blouse billowing
as she clicks around the dining room
eyes held in place by black eyeliner
serene drooping smile
loudly giving the shy server shit
for setting a table wrong
you never get anything right
the door at the end of the dining room
with a stained glass window
reading Gianna’s Room
emerald ribbons
powder puff flowers
victorian debutant saloon
style stained glass
waiters go in and out
the sliding door reveals for a moment
the private party
giggles
young versions of the hostess
adjusting their skirts
sometimes makeup is magic
and sometimes makeup
is just makeup

Friday, December 6, 2019

Firm & Sweet

thank you
Jean-Jacques
for more
yoga wisdom
he reminds us to
be firm and sweet

Ben says
there is no 
talking cure
for abject poverty
he wants to have
a private practice
and help who he can

discussion of
couple in full shiny
bdsm leather gear
mom crawling, on a leash
held by dad
dad, pushing a stroller
toddler in stroller

Stanley our guy
who pays for the coffee later
and works endlessly on his
handwritten calendar
because he doesn't
trust any old calendar
you could buy at the store

he yells across the room to ask
what's your name again?
when I tell him he says
oh ok, ok
did I tell you
Kayla and I are 
having 10 kids?

I clarify that's how many
you have now?
no no he says we're in 
the process though
do you think that's too many?
I tell him I don't think
I could handle that
and mix sugar and cream
into his coffee for him