Thursday, September 9, 2021

3 weeks



the sky looks around the moon

birds sing crazy and me 
into my hand

playing the child's guitar
green, easy 
as putting in your bag
our thing 
about kissing

cracker jack
red hook

black & mild 
flags blow

all the parks are the one
I remember 

the sun showers correct

and the blue green crop
i'm hopeless

in the bathroom between two songs between
two songs in the bathroom the way
the house works

can't sleep my boobs hurt
fuck hours and their minutes

how several is so seven
you wanted stories all the time
where its unburned
where the road opens huge earth 
grows and trucks shrink

the horizon is one big cloud
since LA kind of pink with 
feelings of when

lemon yellow trash bags
flung

one moment in the clearing
towards language/side 
eyeing the sun it goes
down

I desire the cashier in my
big pants
simple

secret 

top

reason as
tone

still, wanting fractures 
mixing sex with
negative tests

still wanting to finish you



Tuesday, August 24, 2021

last night, and other nights (notes on suicide)


wishing to be saved
I ask the cat,     will 
 
you?

when all escapes exempt
from linear time and            
each route

deflates   pre   conceive . . ..

the third party     I gag       
on talk    it loosens me 
badly

how night moves in lasso 
,catch 

how Nothing mocks 
my casts 

when heat syncs
this glitch   
                   in business
of wanting, I'm bobbing 
on moonlit surface  > 
the bedroom light  over 
cooks 
amnesia 
punish me
completely 
save me/same   
coin stuff .. . .

Defeat's severe, 
macro   daddy hold 
on (see/how) night moves

      here goes:
      one shape 
      of resist-
      ance to 
    night 

an empty (moonlit) diamond 

here goes
my small defeat 
bogged by sport and 
bench warm



sort of sleeping in shoes    to be contd. 



Monday, August 23, 2021

last day in ny




so bad how 
you called to say goodbye when 
I was     at the busy intersection 

how you're sorry for the mess 


also
clouds are lucky fish 
and the sun does shine














Tuesday, August 17, 2021

mid august 102


i respond already
thinking 
of your pleasure

in the moment before total night

i make up
the bakery line of the sky

we try it on like a ring

oh

how your handy   makes me 
blue

when i double text   you
come






Thursday, August 5, 2021

hotline's edge


moods surface w walls
and cloud like ofc 

but which one
@death seconds

[themes] don't add up
to make me anything 
like sole it's slice like

your stress
while mine
is loving

the rhythm 

on hold

sleep ceaselessly
w the sun 
going

[dream] up 
missing rungs
(wooden)
rocking horse
pinging you

where
clouds 
are painted
and smoke 

circling
that love

again!

so bully
angel180

so wish

 

Monday, July 12, 2021

providence

wet hat first we
travel acrostic but
so down
our same shoes
the glass house
to unsee it now
for fiction I'm
dumb w music
spread out in love
around your bread
rising the pigeon 
sounds I drool to
compute beyond 
pleasure for sport
look other ways 
you say your ears
close like steel
volts/my computer
game approach to
recall-- the soft 
pound of every
water the drops
now are joke all
heart shaped 
kitty cat and
anyways 

another last light
its rectangle movie
w holes/in dis
array but 
the ballet of 
compersion


the movies

I swim out past the waves 
and bob till my fingers turn yellow
looking east and then west

it never gets old
being salted and dusty
heavy roses in the wind

the thing is I am very untied now
an un-caught drift, no container

biking up hill
past the business that sells glass
how beautiful to specialize in something 
so clear and sharp

basketball cigarettes rat slap
the slick green table 
Molly the bartender

I get to my car as the clock strikes 10
I sit with the door open
one foot on the road 
looking up at the bell tower

M says

the good news is people have been 
trying to figure out what to do when summer ends 
since at least as long as I’ve been around
like maybe it doesn’t this time



Tuesday, June 22, 2021

near palm desert


can’t release the windy night
circling it
holding out
the right/wrong of 
ajar my drama 
w the door

can’t let it go/I feel like
you’re wind

May, June



I like to wear my dad’s clothes when we reunite

         this evening 

my instinct to suit up 

in 3 pieces

to delete

the word date 

in total




the way it feels beside you in the car

the classic rock of it and now 

the balloon







you being a heart

breaks like talc

x 2

Monday, June 14, 2021

checks out


I've left myself in so many ways
once the jester of affirmation
but one taste of you & 
I'm watching my
self swim in the 
pool from the 
chair

"...whatever cute shape I created before sleep that became a trap my leg out papers on the bed/hot"



1

dreams of good people being

slow at their jobs/loved ones

who get memos and take 

no action, the low battery 

business/backing it up 

at the post office 

in velvet ropes 


and   further parties

zero breaks 

from the 

crew 

the job I quit before

starting I walked

through her 

front yard 

was half pool

my wet boots


a children’s caterpillar

some friendship advice

just me and my 

alphabet soup 


as the Joy


my spreadsheets for it ^

how to allocate to you

and you


2

in my dream this random bitch

who I assumed secretly 

hated me was really 

supportive of me 

when I expressed

how I had decided to 

experience something

a certain way/a peaceful 

montage played

throughout our phone call


3

next it was my birthday 

and I told yves how it was 

my birthday and how

most of the day I'd forgotten

and they held me for it

then my 2nd grade crew 

(Rasheed and Drew)

arrived on a different tail wind

our historical trio of

baby legislature rubber 

balls in the empty classroom 

chairs stacked/vague

responsibility plus

the joy of our sort 

of sanctioned game


4

I knew well you were in the room 

I wanted to end the party/

cap it at 1 night but 

I was with mom so

no chiseling of 

timelines


we walked through a flooded city

water at our hips, behind a row of tall

matching people the vibe was actually 

high and mom stepped playfully on a 

fire hydrant 



Friday, May 14, 2021

u shape

 

friday night

notions of service 

stung by your priority

your pre k energy 


puzzled by Jazz 

when it's glass 


for some reason 

a table saw


the same serious songs

for summer/i was feeling

all new nikes

a premise that can run

all hourly 


no mountains this morning

even wet, cold water

but the way it doesn’t rain


in the arms of a 180

we saw yellow icons on the horizon

various IOS representation 

their respective glitches

you kept asking if

i dreamed every

15 minutes




the sun baked sage

i walk here

the constant soft shaking

your brand of alarm

your arms/they're

long corners



Sunday, April 18, 2021

the word came first

a human being is not 
the calm at the center of the whirlpool
but the whirlpool itself
i.e. a pattern
and a pattern is a message
and I don't know what the f that means
but I do know it's poetry

Sunday, April 4, 2021

Corralitos








trying to allow for
the multiple versions of reality
fashion a multi-tool brain
a mobile-esque consciousness










I like to eat with dirty hands
a navel orange off the tree
juice streaking soil up my wrists
sardines on saltines
















Sunday, January 17, 2021

most inside


scratch art clouds, walking 
on the earth's surface today
like a boat you said, SS
Patience (!) I'm suss of 
it (patience) you said 
you've seen it curdle

fuck reminding big
style archeology 
heart break me
better cuz this 
graceless ballet

look back at (it)
the sprinkler's 
rainbow you know 
me your cinderblock

it's January 
and next it's 
January in loops 
my private suffers 
our sestina 
our globe
miss snow
her peril and
ambiance 



Monday, January 11, 2021

regular poem


when midday has the vibe
of late afternoon
I know I'm in for it
I know I know 
nothing

covid and the wind
still blows

I consult my team,
smoke the crumbs 
on my table

the night takes every 
possible turn

the clouds interlock
in questions 
soothing to 
mind loss

I said I'm unhinged
you said nah half hinged
you said you never know 
if someone is feeling 
cloudy or sunny about you

tomorrow the clouds are verbs
the wet, white roses

in so many pictures
I can't tell our difference 

when the moon is right there
in the morning
the question of sleep

my dreams are 
dark daytime 
anyway 
a bad theater

I'm undone because
(half done) the sun 
is doing something

you had this snack 
that was an egg 
with a fig in it 
you said should I 
eat it now or later? 
and I said now
because you're glowing 
like the egg, now

revering 
our curveball
this gentle evening 

turning myself in 
my dream there was
water and you were 
comforting me
and it was just 
enough of you 
to say so





Saturday, December 26, 2020

your calendar

 
christmas eve sunset is evil 
knowing

the yellow break through 
almost foreign
the unbothered city below 
(gotham) 

it's like so
fall on me

you can see the curve

*

christmas day is clean with
baby element
the sky with clouds is only blue
and only white 



Tuesday, November 17, 2020

skeleton woman


all over the place
picking up the phone like
cooking/finding 
freedom (within)

if life is the wine
between the jug 
and the glass

and if I'm not wrong
becoming the lover
of your own nightmare?

to be touched well
the pain after 
without it

my miniature 
hectic nature
(a diorama)

cuz in the Big way
I want you to feel so good
so full of love and
if I can be involved 



the way she
smells like soap 
on the 3rd hug 




Wednesday, November 11, 2020

hUge dream


woke up from the mess
with a sore throat and
your name in my mouth

maya says to see it
as a wall hanging




Saturday, November 7, 2020

other side


yesterday was strong
and crystal

mom asked
is this a rainy day
in LA
I said 
kinda yeah

manually giving
permission to
abstract relief 

today is lazy smooth
I wanna have sex
but 
eat sardines




Friday, November 6, 2020


the mountain looks nice this morning 
clear with delicate sun
I’m thinking about you 

the way it's 
warm, dispersed



somehow 
the thinking is oiled


a serious calm settles
on this long edge
in the shape of
a question or
it calls up 

the peripheral alphabet

I clock my kinks 
for phonics,
periphery




it's a good day 
for gravity 

the red light 
at the mountain

Thursday in 3 
slow pieces
when it's done 
 
work between 2 pillows
and the clouds want to break

Thursday 

in the custody
of its own gentleness 


Friday, October 30, 2020

October 50th


long in longing
since

the cypress trees
at the top of the street

our walk,
the same one
I've been doing

vitamin D
at the bottom of the my bag

all of my M's

it's always October 
when time 
shovels
etc.




cherish the red lights
to work, and 
sometimes
cry quietly
at the mountain






pull up tunes from
point A
to roll thru
again I
pull up 
wet


Thursday, October 15, 2020

question soup 2.0



















what even is a relationship?

an envelope you step in and out of

consent to a mutual reality

something to see by, to see through




I sit on the bench over the beach 

with a cigarette as heavy as the ocean

little girls or are they little seals 

bobbing in the surf

this doing nothing

is who we really are






I want to see the flowers the way I saw them

I want to see the people they way I saw them

I want to hear the celestial music

see the higher order again

be better for the people I love

make them better too

october 14


normal person  after
opening a book 
this morning
the better 
to
                tackle       an intra
personal  workload 

volunteer my brain
to compute progress
   
  a slow typist

I sms,
I need love

songs with doorbells

in   headphones


the drums sound

         
        across the street

spread the word
evenly,
my contacts

eating 
alone

we compare
and contrast
but it's just

this   big evening




Tuesday, October 13, 2020

zoya


an ultrasound on my 
un-pregnant belly
it's the closest thing 
to tlc, despite our
small tussle
tell me, I said,
is it normal? 

she said she couldn’t tell me
she said, enjoy your weekend,
you’re young

how come my reactions 
are scrolls
I frowned 
for like
1 minute
of silence

Sunday, October 4, 2020

harvest moon

my heart breaks something like
in half to not be Home 
in October 

I feel like cardboard instead

for the 8th time 
in sensory hell

Sunday, September 27, 2020

sunday the student


on the verge of dying for poetry
again, the boring exorcism of hiatus 
looking back at the word bank
all shy

B said some poems just
walk away! 
like children

*

J died 7 years ago, today
a dark autumn night in NY
the hill we climbed 
with the news

*

today is a triangle
with an exclamation point inside

J says
we can't ever do what we want to do
anymore, that's the new secret club

today I go, 
what is a 7 years
a bouquet?

some off lights
reflecting the sun

the triangle with 
the exclamation point
extends,
encrypted

*

last Yom Kippur
I went to services in SF
where I met an old friend 
and her young dad
it was early morning
and the city was
bright gold

later we wrote
what we didn't need
on scraps of paper and
put them in a clear vase of 
tap water

for atonement, 
I brainstorm some pools in the area

*

the blood thing
is really more 
about draining
 
I fainted in the 
process of 
playing cool

they pushed a Kiss 
into my mouth and
squeezed me and
low key 
reprimanded me

the bad quiz on loop 

I can't see my own eyes!
or bite my own teeth



Friday, September 25, 2020

Dear P

I've been so out of touch with myself,
like forgotten how to be curious about my mind...

but last night I slept long and dreamed about a place with cabins:
many divided, yet thematic households on the property
I was performing there, maybe some type of festival
I had some romance with a blank man who was hard to love, because he was blank
a big group of us went for a walk into the dark forest/mountains, on a sort of ridge
beneath us was a rushing river, it got darker and darker as we walked
I wondered if it was fire smoke but it was so easy to breath (mist)
shadowy figures (boys) effortlessly jumping off rocks into the river 
the sight of big, moving water almost brought me to tears

Monday, September 21, 2020

gay



habits are
           bad

           this week
I’m backhanding 
my forehead 
and 
thickening plots 

spying 
  on the
    plume’s return

carrying 
the annual 
    haunting of home

the sad memory
of water &
when she told me
to be like it 
[water]

we’re on the couch 
at the airport hotel
she’s soft, high

she saw heaven

and isn’t scared