Thursday, December 4, 2014

Quick Time Light Heart

I love when all the trucks have to stop at the scales
there is something sweet
about duty

I want to sing a certain way so bad
that I get a pain in my throat
hearing Patsy Cline

I want it to stay a little bit light
all night

white sheets
wife bowl
face wipes

how can someone's aura taste like whipped cream if they don't put it there?

No Water But Rain

zoom out

the grassy knoll
across the street
from the pool
the rose garden
the steep incline
all the different times
saying hi and bye
to all the different
people in that
halloween town

zoom in

bloated with rage
and slippery passion
I hate all the murderers
I fucking hate you
now what do I do
go home and
see it somewhere else
see it in the snow


the shroom shrubs
where dogs poop
white out tags
christmas flags


Sunday, November 30, 2014

Emo Virgin

The clouds are perfect frosting with no holes
Our Final Descent into the sunrise
pink and blue behind the wing
with a warped decal of the U.S. flag at the end
like a lost handkerchief
I can't cry but the baby blanket sky is enough how I feel
The quiet rounded window rectangle
It's dark winter down below the frosting
Like a Heaven/Hell diorama
How to stay soft and clear?
What can I frost? Baby blanket
Thinking of things I've lost
things I've gained
How greedy
How historically
Growth is so tied to love
And love is so tied to sadness
This soft pink and blue
Which is both fresh and ancient to me

Friday, November 14, 2014


There are snow flakes in the rain
Tiny soft rain and flakes
Illuminating them with
my iPhone flashlight
Like night vision
Sparkle in my condensation clouds
Zenme zheme leng
Little flakes of snow
I want to drink ice water
Trying to wring somethingOut of my hands
There is a feeling i don't have time for
Fear lapping my ankles
Licking my neck
Wants me to pick it up
A dog or baby
Walking quickly to catch the train with nothing in my stomach
Am I bad? Did I forget something?

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Fancy Chain

I'm patching a hole in one of the window 
screens in my white camp cabin. Thinking 
about how frightening it will be to sleep in it 
tonight. With things so easily able to come in 
and out. The type of screen door that is light 
and brittle with rusted hinges and no lock,
bouncing in the door frame a few times with 
each gust of wind. I'm wearing mostly white 
linen and this is my personal cabin. A narrow 
wooden rectangle layered in white lead paint.

   When I finish the patch I walk to a meeting 

at the administrative building where we meet 
two distinguished guests. They offer us a ride
in their helicopter. I decline because it seems 
dangerous. K and I instead begin walking back 
to camp on the straight main road through the 
clean town. The helicopter is flying slowly
along the road above us. Too low and too slow 
just ahead. A single black boxing glove hangs
from the helicopter at the end of a silver chain 
very low to the ground. 

   We pass clean churches and cafes with a 

fake color and clarity. Violet and red stained 
glass. Clean plastic chapels like Vegas or Utah. 
We know the helicopter is going to crash so 
we go into a restaurant. 

Thursday, October 30, 2014

the way

going 80 the whole way
it's really fun and important
80% of the way to the Buddhist temple

I love when all trucks have to stop at the scales

ha ha ha

something so sweet about it

banana hands

Have you ever eaten a banana in the dark?

It's like truth or dare
or the dark cubbies at a children's museum
trying to guess what you've touched

I used to have this feeling
when I got home from school

I didn't know whether to pee
or to drink water first

you goin' in or out?

this is similar to my passion
for the way a suitcase looks
packed and clean
wishing I could wear it all at once
so soft and plentiful
so much potential

it's the friction I think
I don't remember how
to define friction
but I know that
my liquid dilemmas
are as real as
our wardrobes
and our vacation days

I could remember how to define it
if I tried really hard
but I think I am doing it
an alternative justice
I actually just remembered

Hands rubbing together 

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

right quick

Am I with child 
or am I the child?
hair tied up and 
body wrapped up 
in sweaty layers
connecting L to 6 
to Grande 

(all I ever write about)

Grand Central

Do imperfections 
on the skin indicate 
imperfections in the 

buying Wet Wipes to 
use before eating
a bag of beef jerky
and a Snickers 
on the train

all the reds and 
browns on the
packaging of
my 3 items 
and the reds 
and browns 
of our bodies 
when think about 

Wet Wipes kill
99.99% of germs
but can't go near
a virus??

school is for bad kids 
always trying to get away with it 
to steal back my own time
bad for kids

I g2g :(

Field Trip

spy museum

maybe all these footprints are mine

a guy riding his unicycle through a pile of crunchy leaves on the sidewalk
I think to myself
I will live somewhere like this again

is sight seeing in Washington DC the last thing I wanted to do?
does that mean I have already 
done everything else
that I am already done
thinking about it later

peacoats on the playground 

a house with white bricks and a witch
flannel sheets and tootsie rolls?
mainey disney and milk duds?
matching bunk beds and kit-kats?

I never thought I'd see a brown scarf again

watching the woman's hand hold a cigarette 
from behind the big, dirty window
thick like the glasses of a friend
who really can't see
and because they are your friend
you can get close enough
to see just how thick
they really are

what is this feeling?
of morning in a coffee place
with the sun and a song
I don't know
but basically know
is it rare?
or is it me

a sash and rusty scissors
a race-car in the window
a store that gets no business

There are days when I feel like
the crust on my eyes is glowing
and days when I feel like
a fat, inedible pear


a smile
and a yankee hat 

"This is the noisiest bar...
it is a garden beer"

loud voices

I see sunglasses leather jackets
I just braided my hair

"to Baltimore"


ladies with bags telling loud secrets
and looking around making eyes
at me and the lines
everyone ready to board the aircraft
everyone up in arms
flying west 
where the sun is still setting
past the popeyes and the carpet
through the cold, heavy glass 
it's dark
with an orange horizon
bye to fall and to home I didn't go
I don't know 

it's always like you're on the only plane in the sky

no one should do anything strange
even standing instead of sitting
is suspicious

imagining all the little lights below
as one vertical Christmas house

Tuesday, October 14, 2014



I'm slowly and certainly saying
goodbye to my Casita tan
The air is pointed now and it
Makes me want to run for cover
You might be freaked out by the lack
Of seasons in CA but remember
that the season change here is as
Frightening as it is beautiful
A time for dying
Rolling over (play dead)
So it can't get to you
all september till Spring is Halloween
So we can disguise ourselves against evil

Each night here includes a walk
alone up Boulder Trail and back
down it later
The lamps making movie streaks
in the rain mist
Things falling from the trees all around me
and wet vines reaching down to rain the dew
they've collected
Cracking and hissing
There is always a strong smell of something 
foul or chemical in front of one house 
by the top of Boulder Trail
with a sloping lawn leading up to its entry 
and usually a dry cleaning bag hanging 
behind the glass pane of the front door
I can't help but imagine the
bodies in the basement
Maybe explaining the consistency
of the dry cleaning bag in the door


It's true life is all the
running to the calm
And the blue car
The strain of having
To say goodbye to
Your nene and yr wife
so Many times a week
When it's dark outside
Or early in the morning
To do your different
things you have to do

Like tempo rubato
(stolen time, a signature
with no consistency)
Quickquick slow
&Your Birthday again
again again



we made a mermaid movie
in the Hawaiin Hut
I wrapped a sheet around my legs
to show that I was a mermaid
but also to show
that I was wounded
we were thinking
we'd cut to a shot
of our raw salmon steak
which would be the wound
but we forgot
and ate it

I love you so much nene
I love you so much wife
I wanna stay in the herb garden
forever smelling
pizza and gum
between my untainted fingers
jumping out of the car
and into the water
running to where its calm

this bathing suit makes me feel
like a corrector
blue with white polka dots
ruching and pads and
all smiles and using my
arms in stride
like some lady
who only wears
vintage clothes
that fit her body

I want to go to bed
before 10 pm
before 22
wake up 21

nothing is really
before too long
its just going
like running
to the calm
in a one piece
and then jumping
back in
the blue car
you came from

Friday, October 10, 2014

Nuts 4 NUTS

I can never see at night on
Madison Avenue
I'm led by the clouds of NUTS
4 NUTS smoke
Sweet and charred like an
Old car
The warmth from the grates
I am always nauseous in Midtown
And I love it
It's always winter there
There's always at least one man
In a fleece vest and stiff
Pants smoking a cigarette
Too fast
His silver glasses and
Cell phone stuck to his face
It's always black outside
With the starry
I never remember which
Way is north either

Thursday, October 9, 2014

never dry or sry

I love a fence with fake grapes made of brass
I love an orange cat with messy fur
I love a secret garden gate and a freshly seeded lawn
I love a mansion in the sun on its knoll
I love a gold mirror in a redwood hallway
I love a boy with purple lips

health cake

so much can go wrong
I don't want to touch anything
I will never pick my nose again
I can still say I don't want to die
it is still dark in my mind
it is still alive
I am still scared of midnight

The Witching Hour Revival
an eclipse, if you will
Did You Know?
"all eclipses are joined together
like pearls on a necklace"

wow it looks like Miami in here
and you have great ideas
why are you baking a cake?
because you are feeling better?
it's a health cake

but I'm so scared
red moon blood moon full moon
wrong turns in my own town
all the streets turn into dead ends
at midnight
am I going to find something
I don't want to find?
I do want to get out of town
but shouldn't we all be
quarantining ourselves
right about now?
and not licking our fingers

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

crimson & clover

(this one is gonna be bad.......)

Refrain from writing about
how black October night
through the open van windows
cigarettes in our yellow fingers
with embers like sharp orange
birthstones what sounds like
menthol-green Wagner on
the radio and the red heart
on his white arm makes me
so Happy I could cry...

How now I'm the
siamese Cat of a girl
turnt sSweetest pet
in the world

hot patterns

I am forever losing my favorite shoes
black ol combats, black suede platforms, black church shinys
driving my car like a Ouiji board and b fore I know it
shinys on the 405 northbound
what does this all mean???

when something smells so bad
it almost smells good?
that's garbage...

running by the dump
desperately aligning myself
with the shadows of the telephone wires
today there are two fruit stands
instead of one
I imagine this is for the people
chopping the fruit
not eating it
no nature made relief here
beneath these wires
now I'm looking at a bullet hole
in someone's windshield
the chards sparkling in the sun
this produces a cramp in my leg
poets do rely on nature made

Saturday, October 4, 2014

shut up weirdo

Hi you're on the radio:

I have a pet story...
my eagle was killed

no beagle 

When G_d made the world
he took it for a walk like 
a dog

Hi Johnny,
Happy Birthday
you sound congested
you don't sound so good
your sick voice is kinda hot
I had no idea your dad was tall and German
Does he have blonde hair?
I would love to meet your dad one day, Johnny

(201) 209-9368

Tonight's topic is
lies your parents told you
people killing people dying
smh, bye

what do you mean a permanent record?
I was a good girl though
I didn't get bad until now
I wanted to go to a good college

yeah totally
yeah totally

I got caught discovering myself as a man
I got caught in the act
You're gonna go blind doing that!
Can I at least do it until I need glasses?
Apparently I was a pretty ridiculous child…
Sorry I didn't call last week ladies

Hi you're on the radio:

Oh come on
Hey what's up
stop making that face
or it's gonna stay that way
I'm drunk
I had one of those puppies
I drank it in like a second

Have a good one

we have no calls

lies your parents told you

(201) 209-9368

Friday, October 3, 2014

For October

stealing internet from our neighbors
is theirs slow too
ours is
the ebola virus has
reached US soil
in Texas of all places
no one thought much of his
fever post Africa
plates with Grace
Japanese style
radish rows
up late
red wine
box spring
hot fall

Oh, October!
sweating and
looking at
at the store
still carve ya
still paint ya
but but

what song will I listen to at this red light?
scanning the radio
it's all about what the world seemed like
when you first heard that song
how big it seemed 
how the way you think
makes you friends
but no one thinks like you
all these people on the radio
with their voices about
a certain topic
no one thinks like us
I just don't get it
"people killing people dying
…where is the love?"
I learned the dance to this song
and I still don't get what
my dance teacher was thinking

up late with my crafts is 
a moment to reassure me
that I am not sick
that nothing could ever be wrong with my body
I poke my bellybutton with a needle
I have three pokes left over
a poke in my elbow
awaiting no call
fingers crossed y'all 

Thursday, October 2, 2014


learning again how to notate 
music, count out the value 
of notes to a measure 
makes me feel suddenly 
like in elementary school 
when we practiced Edelweiss 
on the church side of the school 
the so haunted side

the bathroom was dark wood,
quiet and cold
once someone wrote 


on the wall in there
and we all had to write 


so they could compare the

laisse-moi devenir
l'ombre de ton ombre
l'ombre de ton main
l'ombre de ton chien...

shadow of your 
shadow!! shadow 
of your hand!!!
shadow of your 

Tuesday, September 30, 2014


Like A Bug

how ants know
when it's about
to rain

Cool Lean

used to street
race. Texas
drifting down
Cherry Hill

Strings, Strings

the pep in the
step of a person
who writes
symphonies; no

Name It After Me

a little water
fall of orange
embers on the

Strength in Pairs

smoke life
drink the
blueberry sky
blink twice!


don't walk around the block beforehand
don't look at that white lighter on the street
don't wonder if it's out of fluid
probably is of course
they are going to love you so
wash your hands every time it comes to mind
and stay out of the sun because
a deep tan attracts too many unwarranted q's
sometimes my poet feels like a plank
clinging to the shade in Valencia
walking straight into the doors of an elementary school
like "normal" barbie, woman-student barbie
not bending
and definitely don't write anything about your experience
on the internet or even in a notebook
because you never know where it might end up

Monday, September 29, 2014

boring at the end

walking down the stairs towards a princess 
with my snowflake chiming
grand timing
like a debutant putting stuff
in her backpack
she looks up at me
as I descend
and her crown says
Happy Birthday
so I smile
happy birthday
I wonder if people think
where can I get that ringtone
when they hear my snowflake
but can't see it

I wonder how many ladies
I've exchanged smiles with
upon entering or exiting
the restroom

we almost look back at each other
me and the princess
but we don't
she continues on her 
birth way
slowly wondering
what's next
for how many more hours
will she receive friendly
glances and
text messages

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Winnie Winnie

Petal pedals on my.....
Goodgrips and pawprints

Happy hour with Happy
Partying is such sweet sorrow

A little venus de mil
Little venus of vill

cherish me

BiangBiang man
color me your car

cats and dogs
iconically "Thing Basic"
parks and brunch
comfortable dreams

a Garden Drink

Friday, September 26, 2014

also as well, T or F

we never post in August
we never have blonde hair
we only like country and rap

china notes 2


everyone singing along to taylor swift in zoo coffee

i can’t think in here

(Kayla, did I even tell you about ZOO coffee???)

someone is always wo gao su ni-ing someone while I listen in

all the dusty bicycles are leaning towards my home
The saccharine covers of jazz standards in the cafés

Etta's heart wrapped up in clover and Otis sitting on

the dock make me cry for a western dream too
I'm a day in the future with even more catching 

to do than before

perpetually sneezing in cafes full of smoke

I must have ringworm

what is poetry anymore

but seeing things that

aren’t there

and working so hard

to put those things

into words

that you make

them disappear

I feel my body


in my clothes


I can’t get away

with what I used to

and the caterpillars 

that came out in the 
evening would fall 
icy cold onto my neck

foreigners only talk about 

drinking not drinking 
clubbing not clubbing
themselves and 
their pride here

“I start smoking when 

I’m drunk, only when 
I’m drunk, but I’m drunk 
quite often, so I smoke 
a lot. Fu wu yuan! fu 
wu yuan, hey! my 
breakfast was… 
hen hao chi. no, not 
tomato sauce, ketchup. 
ketchup is different. 
you like tequila? really? 
I Like Whiskey.”

My fellow Uyghur students 

faced no prejudice in the 
work place, and

For example, thousands 

of students compete 
in the kite festival 
to watch him.

These students, besides 

faring well in general, 
may not understand

Though the Uyghurs 

live in the mountains 
peacefully, meditation 
is the perfect time to 
do this.


i’m sitting in the faux marble 

floor common room in my liu xue 
sheng su she shaoyuan home liu 
hao lou. when i rub my eyes i’m 
riding my bike home from work
through Greenpoint. the night is 
windy and black with flecks of glass 
and my black t-shirt is wet from dishes
and reeking from kitchen smoke. 

my boots are slippery and worn thin, 
i can feel the pedals through their soles
my bare legs are covered in coffee 
and juice streaks everything is slippery 
and hot and wet and sticky in 
the wind.

i’ve already forgotten what the 

sandwiches are called and what’s in them.
they couldn’t possibly still exist.

if i squint i can taste what it was 

like to go back to our hot futon, 
riding under the overhead tracks 
and the furniture stores and the dollar 
stores and the supermarket and the 
middle school and the garage with 
all the shirtless men and their four 
wheelers. it was scared and blank 
and loud and dirty.

my bike is light purple. it couldn’t 

possibly still exist.

new york is just as exotic as Beijing 

there is no staying clean or feeling 
animated in the summer when you work 
all day then you go home to shower 
and don’t want to move and your 
boyfriend comes home much later 
when he gets off of work at one am 
and you’re already asleep but 
worrying about him and he gets home 
and watches a tv show on his laptop 
which is agitating and meaningless 
your kitten attacks your arm 
needs feeding you live in a railroad 
apartment and there is no where in it 
you want to be but you don’t want to 
be outside because the city requires you 
buy things that is entertainment 

making statements about a culture

or about anything

makes you feel smart

i haven’t had any clear view on reality

for months now

actually i probably never have

and no one else ever has

it’s all just making containers for the sake of sanity

i miss high school

can you imagine being run down by someone in all black with a long knife

something fratty this way comes...

i see such darkness

a fire with no light
keeps getting stuck
in my mind
thank you for that
everyone is talking 
about it
how do we help each
other out of this pit?
the character for
small is a pictogram 
of three grain
of sand. xiao. I
fit in my compact
some things never
changes. some th
ing never change
I made an iTunes
playlist named
Calm. so far it is
only Chopin Best Of
and Michael Hurley
I still hear that song as
she understands
blue mountains
and I still hear Chopin
as I did xiao de shi hou
when my mom was
teaching dance
classes in our living
room and I was
thinking of how
bees tell each other
where the good
flowers are by
Hey Person

the word
for flower and the
word for to spend
are the same. hua.

I first was acquainted with twitch in sant'antioco

which is interesting, kale, cos it really reminds

me of anegeda cow wreck bite bitch death
and because you're twitch
an italian comic book for tween witches
it was so good and i just remembered it

Cross my finger tips for writing song

I changed my city I changed my country home

Sometimes you need to make contact

Bella lugosis back he's back he's back

Keep it compact keep it minimal

Some thing never change

Ren tai duo

Ni zhi huo yi ci
(you only live once)

I like to take my sweet time
Refrain from buying cigarettes
Refrain from writing about cigarettes
Refrain from noting how I hold 

my cigarette cupped invisibly 
in my right hand hanging at my side 
as I walk past the school guards 
and realize its good because 
it makes a small carburetor 
in my right hand and it is so 
cold outside
Wo zui xiang one day 
I have something to talk about
some true black meat
It's all around me
Be self-disciplined
What the fuck does that mean
I'm dreaming of a cuter coffin 

and trying to convince myself 
it matters
I could be anywhere right now
Poetry is tailing me 
and makes 

me see things that aren't there
I could be anywhere
Not reading, not writing, 

not working, just walking around 
charring my insides
Being followed by some 

thing that doesn't exist
I'm basically a single-cell 

organism wearing clothes
Haunted by boys that don't exist 

This is not a xiu xi because 
I am actively making myself 
feel bad and actively not 
preparing for the next moment
A meeting with autumn fruit 

in 10 minutes

Poetries hard walls....? 

The hard wallsof poetry...? 
The apple? Sophisticated 
Susan dolls made in rehab? 
The video of Simi and Duffy 
and then the window opens 
with candles stuck in sriracha 
bottles sitting in the grate 
and there is no one there 
but I was expecting J K 
to be there.

Always on gaurd there is no free

Toy Apple Beauty
What does an apple mean
Apples are everywhere to tell 

us we're on the right track
When I think about the linoleum 

floor and twin bed next to the 
window I know there weren't 
any apples there
And my husband an hour away 

in the snow covered city
I thought I was cheating 
on him in my sleep
I fall in love so easily
But I should be looking 

for someone who gives 
me apples

the only thing is to be beneficial to others

zenme zheme you qian???

outside dreaming about inside
inside dreaming about the outside
dark deep slimey black night
falling asleep with my mouth open in the cab
waking up not knowing the
cardinal directions anymore
all those big concepts i never knew about
i’ve lost the capacity to learn about them
all those really small non concepts too
make it go blank
all i know is i like this
i like writing the character for meng
i like writing the character for lou
how did i stray so far from what i want
everything is just everyone consenting
silently to some kind of order
some kind of way of being smart
way of being right
i’m always wondering about a cuter coffin
i’m always wondering about the fire without light
i knew he wasn’t afraid to die

“there is nothing mysterious or natural about authority.” (20)

i brought all of my least civilized 
clothing to the other side of the world
how often should a person buy new clothes
they come and go as is fit
whiskers on kittens

I’m too smart to play these games
I’m too stupid to win them
drink a beer and do all my homework
it shatters shatters shatters

today i rode my new bike 
all the way across town
all the spring time trees 
are releasing these cotton 
puffs when i saw the first 
one outside of my su she 
window l thought it was 
just laundry day
it makes me feel like i 
can understand the world 
a little better
dream of semi rape by a 
horseman going through 
withdrawals, gripping me 
with his thumbs
but then protecting him 
when the cops came, 
syd vicious and i stopped 
the cops from searching 
his bag

kan dianying you’re great 
no i’m not i’m awful
the slightest motion will 
always be interpreted exactly 
how you expect

I've been having a lot of trouble 
writing about what it's like so far 
and still am. But one important 
sensory detail you need to know 
is that the air really always smells 
dark and dangerous. Which is coal, 
but it's strangely frankincense 
perfume-like. Most days I like that. 
Some days it's so thick I can taste
it and my mouth feels like it's 
lined with heavy metals.