pocket watch

it rained last night 

very hard and loud
and I had a cinematic dream 

in 5 very specific parts

that were labeled like an outline

    1.)

    2.)

    3.)

    4.)

    5.)

at the start of each part 

I saluted myself
for sleeping so well

and with such clarity

    1.)

        the narrative arc

        was about young woman

        who was the daughter 

        of a serial killer

        we went to boarding school

        together and shared a large bed

        with one other girl

        we were sitting at one of those

        faux wood topped school tables 

        making mosaic style collages 

        with construction paper 

        and mod podge

        I was also making

        an ellaborate sash style body chain 

        with silver ball chain beads

        and gingham bows

        for a silver pocket watch 

        that hung in the center of my chest

        the serial killer's daughter

        kept coming over and painting wet strokes

        on my construction paper page

        and snatched up my sash 

        and dipped it in a muddy puddle

        I was frustrated but

        decided the mud added     

        some desirable effect

    5.)

        in the final act

        the serial killer's daughter

        was a wild German shepherd

        running down a dusty desert road

        trying to escape her father

        she stopped in a gas station

        bathroom to clean up then ran

        behind the gas station

        into the wild expanse

        I tried to pour a blood colored

        message into her ears

        but there was a gap where they

        connected to her head

        and the message just 

        leaked out

        so I didn't know how

        to help her

        that was the only way

        I could think of to reach her

        brain, seeing as she was

        a dog now and only spoke   

        a dog's language

abuelitas

I want you to see something

the next time a man on the street

tells you you're beautiful 

say I know

and watch him try to take it back

I take my 15s now

she hears her own voice 

so loud and distorted 

in her head that she was 

reluctant to speak at all

I walk down the very center 

of the empty parking lot

and sit with my back pressed 

against the yellow fire hydrant

the shimmering fall sun dances

and one plane with its white line

is framed in the church window

between my hat and sunglasses

mpd3

pleased to report 

  that practically 

everyone 

  in this town 

smokes Camels...

I get a red 99 from a 67ish 

  man in the smokers’ corral 

at Asti,, he says I have

  cool style 

people freak out

  when I put on the

white cowboy boots

his friend said

  WE’RE TALKING

ABOUT THE

  TWILIGHT ZONE

yeah buddy

  I say back then 

find another merely

  10% smoked Merit

on the pavement

  I'll disinfect it 

in the sun I 

  reassure them

67ish was wearing 

  a polo and the crispiest

white vans with tall socks

  I have ever seen

you look like you just 

  stepped off a yacht

I tell him and

  he seems pleased

I walk slow

  along the levee

stopping to sit on

  the bumpy ground

for a bit because 

  I am still

unemployed

-Salad sounds good. Do you

  think you'll be her by 7 pm?

texts Grandma

  a frayed black tarp

billows up revealing

  a blue Harley on 

the back of a truck

-Not quite

  -Taking it real slow

-Sitting by the river 

  it's so pretty

the Merit is harsh

  and bitter

-really?

  -Yes ma'am

-You sound like a woman who

  want to escape

I send the shrug

  then peace dove 

emojis

I stop at Blinken's 

  cottage on my dad's 

property to pick some 

  tomatoes 

he says just the person 

  I wanted to see! Cos 

I found this for you--

  and hands me a newspaper

clipping of an article

  called "The Follow Up"

about job interviews

I suggest we split 

  a beer and ask for 

just a baby sized glass 

  we poke around 

the half bolted 

  raised beds as the 

sun starts to set

moocher's paradise diary, 2

  I bum a 

Camel 

  Red from 

a weathered 

  blue-eyed 

gentleman

  conversing 

with

   himself

John Wayne

    he bought 

 her a 

    martini... he 

 bought her 

    a martini 

and said 

   "how'd you 

like to be 

   queen of 

the cow

       girls?"

I say 

   I'd like that 

but he 

  wasn't actually 

   talking 

to me

 stepping 

lightly

  along the 

city hall 

  rose garden 

runway 

  I offer each 

vivacious 

    bloom 

  a drag

and think 

    of the playing

cards painting 

    the white 

flowers red 

     for the

Queen o' 

    Hearts

   the monarchs

dip around us 

   drunk 

or 

 hungover 

I stop at 

   a handful 

of shoppes

  to offer up

my time

   for money

dosing out

   some loves 

and hunnys

  from my

lipstick'd

  mouth

I keep

  a deflective

hat and

   glasses on 

to medusa 

   any men 

waiting 

   in the 

shade 

  to hurl 

unsolicited

  advice 

in my

   direction

as they are 

   so reliably

want 

  to do...

hi

after half a year of

psychic frostbite

I find myself abruptly 

spilled open like a 

cherry cordial

tears befall me here

and now then and 

there again

throughout the day

warm and soft like 

the bathtub Atlantic

I walk to the beach

stopping at the Brady’s

Yacht Club plastic 

white patio fence

to get a cigarette from 

a man who offers me 

a choice of Newport

or Marb Lite

I go sit in the sand

lightly scolding myself

for the passing thought 

that the beach is like

one enormous ashtray

silly girl, bad

now best say sorry 

to our maker

sorry :) it was a joke

I will quit when I’m 30

& thank you

for so suddenly and 

lovingly topping 

off my glass

how awful 

was that great

hermitude

it felt so 

sincerely endless

but was just

a long bad 

dream

I’ll never again forget

that family friendship

love comfort

privacy

emotions

and daydreams

are an utter

privilege 

to have in surplus

the way I do

I cry me a river

that leads to 

your ocean

but happily

this time