Saturday, December 26, 2020

your calendar

 
christmas eve sunset is evil 
knowing

the yellow break through 
almost foreign
the unbothered city below 
(gotham) 

it's like so
fall on me

you can see the curve

*

christmas day is clean with
baby element
the sky with clouds is only blue
and only white 



Tuesday, November 17, 2020

skeleton woman


all over the place
picking up the phone like
cooking/finding 
freedom (within)

if life is the wine
between the jug 
and the glass

and if I'm not wrong
becoming the lover
of your own nightmare?

to be touched well
the pain after 
without it

my miniature 
hectic nature
(a diorama)

cuz in the Big way
I want you to feel so good
so full of love and
if I can be involved 



the way she
smells like soap 
on the 3rd hug 




Wednesday, November 11, 2020

hUge dream


woke up from the mess
with a sore throat and
your name in my mouth

maya says to see it
as a wall hanging




Saturday, November 7, 2020

other side


yesterday was strong
and crystal

mom asked
is this a rainy day
in LA
I said 
kinda yeah

manually giving
permission to
abstract relief 

today is lazy smooth
I wanna have sex
but 
eat sardines




Friday, November 6, 2020


the mountain looks nice this morning 
clear with delicate sun
I’m thinking about you 

the way it's 
warm, dispersed



somehow 
the thinking is oiled


a serious calm settles
on this long edge
in the shape of
a question or
it calls up 

the peripheral alphabet

I clock my kinks 
for phonics,
periphery




it's a good day 
for gravity 

the red light 
at the mountain

Thursday in 3 
slow pieces
when it's done 
 
work between 2 pillows
and the clouds want to break

Thursday 

in the custody
of its own gentleness 


Friday, October 30, 2020

October 50th


long in longing
since

the cypress trees
at the top of the street

our walk,
the same one
I've been doing

vitamin D
at the bottom of the my bag

all of my M's

it's always October 
when time 
shovels
etc.




cherish the red lights
to work, and 
sometimes
cry quietly
at the mountain






pull up tunes from
point A
to roll thru
again I
pull up 
wet


Thursday, October 15, 2020

question soup 2.0



















what even is a relationship?

an envelope you step in and out of

consent to a mutual reality

something to see by, to see through




I sit on the bench over the beach 

with a cigarette as heavy as the ocean

little girls or are they little seals 

bobbing in the surf

this doing nothing

is who we really are






I want to see the flowers the way I saw them

I want to see the people they way I saw them

I want to hear the celestial music

see the higher order again

be better for the people I love

make them better too

october 14


normal person  after
opening a book 
this morning
the better 
to
                tackle       an intra
personal  workload 

volunteer my brain
to compute progress
   
  a slow typist

I sms,
I need love

songs with doorbells

in   headphones


the drums sound

         
        across the street

spread the word
evenly,
my contacts

eating 
alone

we compare
and contrast
but it's just

this   big evening




Tuesday, October 13, 2020

zoya


an ultrasound on my 
un-pregnant belly
it's the closest thing 
to tlc, despite our
small tussle
tell me, I said,
is it normal? 

she said she couldn’t tell me
she said, enjoy your weekend,
you’re young

how come my reactions 
are scrolls
I frowned 
for like
1 minute
of silence

Sunday, October 4, 2020

harvest moon

my heart breaks something like
in half to not be Home 
in October 

I feel like cardboard instead

for the 8th time 
in sensory hell

Sunday, September 27, 2020

sunday the student


on the verge of dying for poetry
again, the boring exorcism of hiatus 
looking back at the word bank
all shy

B said some poems just
walk away! 
like children

*

J died 7 years ago, today
a dark autumn night in NY
the hill we climbed 
with the news

*

today is a triangle
with an exclamation point inside

J says
we can't ever do what we want to do
anymore, that's the new secret club

today I go, 
what is a 7 years
a bouquet?

some off lights
reflecting the sun

the triangle with 
the exclamation point
extends,
encrypted

*

last Yom Kippur
I went to services in SF
where I met an old friend 
and her young dad
it was early morning
and the city was
bright gold

later we wrote
what we didn't need
on scraps of paper and
put them in a clear vase of 
tap water

for atonement, 
I brainstorm some pools in the area

*

the blood thing
is really more 
about draining
 
I fainted in the 
process of 
playing cool

they pushed a Kiss 
into my mouth and
squeezed me and
low key 
reprimanded me

the bad quiz on loop 

I can't see my own eyes!
or bite my own teeth



Friday, September 25, 2020

Dear P

I've been so out of touch with myself,
like forgotten how to be curious about my mind...

but last night I slept long and dreamed about a place with cabins:
many divided, yet thematic households on the property
I was performing there, maybe some type of festival
I had some romance with a blank man who was hard to love, because he was blank
a big group of us went for a walk into the dark forest/mountains, on a sort of ridge
beneath us was a rushing river, it got darker and darker as we walked
I wondered if it was fire smoke but it was so easy to breath (mist)
shadowy figures (boys) effortlessly jumping off rocks into the river 
the sight of big, moving water almost brought me to tears

Monday, September 21, 2020

gay



habits are
           bad

           this week
I’m backhanding 
my forehead 
and 
thickening plots 

spying 
  on the
    plume’s return

carrying 
the annual 
    haunting of home

the sad memory
of water &
when she told me
to be like it 
[water]

we’re on the couch 
at the airport hotel
she’s soft, high

she saw heaven

and isn’t scared




Saturday, September 19, 2020

for the living


acquired taste 
to the point 
of   no return 

you just

lay there by the juniper

deep 

in the practice of surrender/

while the moon

eclipses
lowercase fear

just like
Together

"we" cuz 
I'm getting bigger


*

if Longing
would shed itself 
like a snake and 
surprise me



...

a long river city 




whose architecture 
reps desire 
and at once 
resolve

her knee highs
her healthcare


...






Thursday, September 17, 2020

ʎpɐǝʇs ʞɔoɹ



today the kids made tissue swords 
exerting themselves in the ash
the 3 of them, literary
windswept
the dust bowl
the cul de sac

the boudarylessness of
blessings, curses
talking fences/feeling
nothing       moderate, mega 
in lieu of     stretch in lieu of
cutting
the train assembles
poems slipping and 
sliding the dead friend
with the past tense name

just wanna be at the club
with the mosh pit the
mash up where 
at 3 am 
dystopia 
checks out



Saturday, September 12, 2020

skywriting by jane pauley


















I cry looking at photos of great grandma Sally
because she's got the eyes
the eyes that are 3000 years old

















sitting on the deck with Dad
swarm of crows flying in synch 
vanishes into the fog

















Grandma tells me about a time 
Mom painted herself green, put tinfoil 
on her head, and went to the bar

















open field with a window
open field with a window
open field with no child

















don't call it an episode 
I'm not your TV

















my heart isn't actually inside me
it's where they all are

















Saturday, September 5, 2020

ambrette pipette

cool blue + tie dye = soft sky
looking up from the open box of Kayla's backyard
I see power lines and think sheet music
base + heart + head = the symphony of a perfume
the white planks of that balcony's railing are piano keys
dancing + apples = dappled
the bamboo is the wind section
the sun is soprano
soft sky + full = skull
the clean flat cement might be mezzo
and the wind chime is implied

Thursday, September 3, 2020

alphabet soup

the night I sat on the balcony 

watching the moon cross the sky


Jamie’s ghost touched everything in the apartment

turned my pairs of shoes at perpendicular angles


propped up the sheep brain dissection kit

scooted out my desk chair


it was so subtle

I could have done it myself


what's the difference between 

hallucination and metaphor


seeing the story over the story

the world behind the world


I don't want to say too much

but something I can tell you now;


it's a lie 

that nothing rhymes with orange


the buddha quality

of a stuffed animal


how two dots and a line 

make a gracious face


I was sure he was in my bathroom

staring at that tum on the tile floor


and I realized how trauma 

is like schrodinger's cat


the keloided narratives that stay fucked up

for as long as the door is closed


I keep seeing a soft sky full of tiny letters 

like alphabet soup


and the afterimage of a cool blue fairy

pepper's ghost


and there's something extra 

we're elaborating on now


about washer women

gossips and yentas


about twins, togetherness

about the tree and the stone

Tuesday, September 1, 2020

being damned


the dry lightning storm 
to the north

the moon drama, up

the cold sand, cum
every August
at once

*

AIM apparition--

if it were,
the watering hole

The Wednesday

raised by 
ON, the TV
the basement 

*

rolling on the floor
after hours
for reasons 
the sidewalk
the gum spots
the moon

*

partial to the merch
of my coast
perennials 
garbage 

*

eating around the spinal chords

boundaries embodied 
or
synthetic fences


Sunday, August 16, 2020

baguette-me-not

us Three Women 
stopped at the crosswalk
feeding each other bread 
as we walk home from the store
I do our laundry 
hang it up on the porch
it stays a little damp cos it rains all night
when folding I love guessing
who is whose
I note that 
C has always had powerful socks
and K has lots of bleachy items
but I also get some smaller items wrong 
which I also love

when I close my eyes

theres [enough!] looped beats

    I’m doing flips 

at those Philadelphia 

gas stations

round and

    round wall of virus

full body/august


when I close my eyes

theres love, reasons

Coffee 

Drama

drank a cup of 

pre-covid, filled with 

The Cafe

a bottle of wine

history up thru 

my feet

poetry 

    propped

my phone 

redeemed


Home (the feeling)

in my blood like 

the s's 

in east coast


counting our exclusive

evenings of

the shortest summer ever 

if summer means together


the garden flowers on our dinner



Tuesday, July 28, 2020

beep eyes

how to keep mapping
all the very relative 
and slippery truths in this world
with a mind/heart like a ball
that rolls down certain slopes
no matter where I set it
bouncing off into the negative space
of conversations
and getting stuck there

in a dream smoking a fake cigarette
on a beach with punks
the roiling waves throw
huge green catfish onto the shore
some just missing us
slamming down dramatically

then a restaurant with radios on every table
that announce how close the holy spirit is
by degrees of latitude and longitude
when it gets within a certain range
everyone scrambles to reign in their sinful behavior

I’ve lost my appetite for complexity
as well as for breakfast
feels like there’s no time for theories
despite tomorrow
tomorrow
tomorrow
and tomorrow

Tuesday, July 14, 2020

who has acid


tomorrow is unclean
and I’m overcome
by “chance” by was 
by with

this week’s desire 
for alt punctuation

a sloppy/bold shape or
deep negative space 
or

one of these summer nights

unhinged
w/ touch

*********

I consider addiction
I dream of jail support
the vibe now is 
dead flowers

something has happened 
to dreaming 

like a blackout curtain

my hair grays in 2 streaks

I waste today in the shape 
      of a        dramatic bridge

approach addicted 
like dreams
drain 
my own bad balloon

its happy
hot air

Friday, July 10, 2020

drunk p


resort to play 
in L shapes 
towards      night love

full bottle and shirt bib the war 
on sub sis tence
the L as min imum
in lieu of 
the unfolding palace

sick of, hell


incomplete 
for fun



Tuesday, July 7, 2020

prompt


the way tomorrows stay clean
this inside trick 

a clean bone over and—

when my heart clicked
with the rest of me

a big dance hole
a rare deja-vu

the rest of me 
in assembly 

knowing
weakly
possessing Know

tomorrow, our virgin 
an essential skeleton
I'll translate

rounding the corner
under a gray sky

as/if
no one cares
about my excitement

pinning the tail 
on the decoy
the "rest of me"
rehearsing
the end
** ***********