SC

The straw lifeguard hat I bought for him 

hanging off of the seat in front of me

I look at it sadly like who am I

Buying hats for who?

A bike ride with my dad in Santa Cruz

Behind him breaking too much of a sweat

this place that was made for humans to be

Harbors and tiny beaches swooping by

Smelling like eucalyptus, honeysuckle

bonfires burning in the sand 

The air always the softest temp

For whatever activity 

The things I know don’t distance me enough

From this group of people 

Why do I feel so separate?

Lucia disturbs me

her fixation and memories

insular, obsessive

She needs it more than any of us 

To recount specific stories in embarrassing detail

my sister and cousin trade tales of doing badly in school 

like comparing battle scars

I never got any Fs! I graduated! 

I want to cover Adele’s ears

The grandeur of the house 
makes me feel like a failure 

**********

The sun is strong already walking from the parking lot to the center 

My foggy congested head is like a fish tank

reflecting the light wavy and quiet 

Bobbing blinded down the street

Reminds me of traveling with Lucia in 2010

Clean and leisurely yet anxious

The smell of cheap Italian shampoo

Different than American cheap shampoo